Published on 12, July, 2020
My 30 year old son seems to keep misunderstanding what I say. It is as if I have said something offensive or upsetting to him.
He is high functioning, lives alone but does require a lot of helicoptering still.
He blows up and acts completely disproportionately to what I say to him.
It has got to the point where it feels like I am being gaslit. He says I am gaslighting him. I know for sure I am not saying anything wrong when I speak to him, but he appears to hear something entirely different.
This sounds like misunderstandings, it can unfortunately happen and can cause arguments. If there are misunderstandings then I would write it down explaining exactly what you meant and that this is a misunderstanding and you're not gaslighting him.
That will hopefully get it through to him and reassure him that you're not gaslighting him and should resolve the situation.
I had this with my mum once and things got heated between us so I wrote down saying I didn't understand and could she specify for me exactly what she was saying and what she was trying to get across. She did this and it completely resolved the situation.
I find with my mum she talks so quickly it's hard to keep track of what's been said and then my brain can't process it and fills in what it thinks was said and this is often incorrect.