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New and confused - pre-school and statementing

OneBlackCat

Hi all,

My daughter (3.5) has been recently diagnosed with childhood autism. 

The assessment/diagnosis report says that she urgently need placement in a specialist setting for children with autism.

At the time of diagnosis we already had a place booked in a mainstream pre-school and it was too late to find a place in a specialised one.

So, we decided to give the mainstream pre-school a try and meanwhile look for a place for her to go next.

When I spoke to SENCO and other staff at the pre-school she's due to start in September, they can't really provide her any special environment or treatment unless she's got a statement.

And, according to them, the only sure way to get a statement is to start in mainstream pre-school and collect as much evidence as possible that it's not the right place for her.

She's bright and even got a good command of language (though not English and it's more thanks to her outstanding memory than to her really understanding all of it), but she's very fearful and has got a severe separation anxiety - she won't let me leave her with anyone else and even won't let me leave the room without her at home.

At the pre-school they said they understood it but suggested that i nevertheless tried leaving her for 5 minutes on her third day or so there. When I explained that it's going to be a huge stress for her, because i'm the only person she feels safe with, so she may only let me leave when there's anyone else there she builds a relationship of trust with (which is highly unlikely to happen in just three days). And their answer was - well, the more evidence we have that she can't cope the better, although you can reject your place in our school now, if you want.

But it's just cruel to hurt her so! And I can't be betraying her trust in me like that. It won't be a big exaggeration to say that my trust is the only thing that keeps her connected with the outer world. When she was smaller and not diagnosed, I didn't quite understand how to build connection with her, and followed well-meaning advice of having to be in charge, etc. And at that time she was really withdrawn, which was scary. Now she's not withdrawn, she trusts me, and I just can't ruin it all for the sake of getting a statement.

But without a statement she can't get any special education, as far as I understand.

So, has anyone got any advice?

Is there another way of getting a statement, without intentionally hurting her to get evidence of her not being able to cope in a mainstream pre-school?

Are there any specialised nurseries/schools that will take her without a statement?

Any private specialised nurseries/schools (although we are not likely to be able to pay for that, but still)?

Any other advice?

Thank you in advance for your help.

Parents

  • Hi all,

     

    Thank you for all your advice!

     

    And so sorry I couldn't answer earlier. It has been just one big blur.

    My daughter has somewhat settled in the mainstream pre-school. She started with staying there for half an hour every day, with me staying there with her at first, then leaving her for 5 minutes, then for 10 minutes the following week, etc. Last few days before the half-term she stayed there for 45 minutes on her own. It was very difficult for her at first, with regression episodes, bed-wetting, falling apart, etc. And got more stable now. But although all teachers say she's happy and cheerful, she's been increasingly trying to 'fix' things - try and do them (or make others do them) in a certain way in certain order, etc. So, I'm dreading the coming months, when the time of her stay is due to be increasing faster - first with 15 and then with 30 minutes every week. Besides, she's been getting very anxious, with intense emotional outbursts (focused on irrelevant things of course) whenever there was an unexpected thing happening in the pre-school. And so far the teachers haven't tried to get her do what they want her to do, they've just been letting her do whatever she chooses to. So, she's likely to be in for more pressure soon.

     

    Anyway, on the subject...

    Her school hasn't yet moved forward with the statementing. They've recently booked an educational psychologist for the end of November. And that's the earliest anything can be done (provided that the educational psychologist decides she needs a statement). And they haven't been setting many targets on her educational plan either (just independent attendance of the nursery with increasing time of stay), because they say it's difficult to see what her difficulties are if she's only staying in the nursery for 30 minutes a day.

    And I was also told that in addition to the school's SENCO I should try and speak to:

    - Health visitor and/or GP and/or paediatrician

    - Local team delivering the Early Bird program

    - Local Early Support Coordinator

    And ask them if they can do anything to help with the statementing using their own channels.

    Well, it's good that so many different people may be able to help, but it would have been much easier if there was just one service that would oversee all of that, because some people know who turn to, some (like me) don't and end up sitting and waiting for help from the only source they are aware of. Just frustrating, sorry!

    I spoke to HV and she was the most helpful, with the educational psychologist's visit getting arranged only after her involvement.

     

    We've seen a few other nurseries, both specialist and not. We didn't like the former because their approach was too radical and the latter refused us with a superficial excuse (i think they just didn't want to take on caring for my daughter being uncertain about their ability to do it well, which just confirms they are a good nursery indeed, but they could have been more honest and opened about it).

    The main problem with the specialist nurseries in our area is that they require a statement. Besides, I don't drive, so can't look at the nurseries where we can't get by bus/train/on foot, which limits the choice as well.

    There's just one more we haven't been to, so we'll see...

     

    B Farkins, i really admire your attitude. And I wish all of us were strong enough to have the same one!

    Keep it going...

Reply

  • Hi all,

     

    Thank you for all your advice!

     

    And so sorry I couldn't answer earlier. It has been just one big blur.

    My daughter has somewhat settled in the mainstream pre-school. She started with staying there for half an hour every day, with me staying there with her at first, then leaving her for 5 minutes, then for 10 minutes the following week, etc. Last few days before the half-term she stayed there for 45 minutes on her own. It was very difficult for her at first, with regression episodes, bed-wetting, falling apart, etc. And got more stable now. But although all teachers say she's happy and cheerful, she's been increasingly trying to 'fix' things - try and do them (or make others do them) in a certain way in certain order, etc. So, I'm dreading the coming months, when the time of her stay is due to be increasing faster - first with 15 and then with 30 minutes every week. Besides, she's been getting very anxious, with intense emotional outbursts (focused on irrelevant things of course) whenever there was an unexpected thing happening in the pre-school. And so far the teachers haven't tried to get her do what they want her to do, they've just been letting her do whatever she chooses to. So, she's likely to be in for more pressure soon.

     

    Anyway, on the subject...

    Her school hasn't yet moved forward with the statementing. They've recently booked an educational psychologist for the end of November. And that's the earliest anything can be done (provided that the educational psychologist decides she needs a statement). And they haven't been setting many targets on her educational plan either (just independent attendance of the nursery with increasing time of stay), because they say it's difficult to see what her difficulties are if she's only staying in the nursery for 30 minutes a day.

    And I was also told that in addition to the school's SENCO I should try and speak to:

    - Health visitor and/or GP and/or paediatrician

    - Local team delivering the Early Bird program

    - Local Early Support Coordinator

    And ask them if they can do anything to help with the statementing using their own channels.

    Well, it's good that so many different people may be able to help, but it would have been much easier if there was just one service that would oversee all of that, because some people know who turn to, some (like me) don't and end up sitting and waiting for help from the only source they are aware of. Just frustrating, sorry!

    I spoke to HV and she was the most helpful, with the educational psychologist's visit getting arranged only after her involvement.

     

    We've seen a few other nurseries, both specialist and not. We didn't like the former because their approach was too radical and the latter refused us with a superficial excuse (i think they just didn't want to take on caring for my daughter being uncertain about their ability to do it well, which just confirms they are a good nursery indeed, but they could have been more honest and opened about it).

    The main problem with the specialist nurseries in our area is that they require a statement. Besides, I don't drive, so can't look at the nurseries where we can't get by bus/train/on foot, which limits the choice as well.

    There's just one more we haven't been to, so we'll see...

     

    B Farkins, i really admire your attitude. And I wish all of us were strong enough to have the same one!

    Keep it going...

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