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What Can I Do?

scooby11

Is anyone in the same situation as myself and my husband?

I have two sons one aged 21 the other who has Aspergers is 20. My worry is what happens when my husband and I have died?

My sons live at home. In a 'normal' (whatever that is) situation most children have left the nest either through marriage or independence. When the parents die it's just a case of selling the house and splitting the proceeds. I can see my eldest either living with someone or married. But this would not happen with the youngest. So what happens? People, who don't have an autisic son, have suggested getting him sheltered housing now. He wouldn't understand why I've made him move when his brother is still at home. He cannot deal with people, his communication skills are non existant. Any suggestions? 

Parents

  • Hi - he doesn't have to move any time soon (presumably) so discussing the future can be taken gradually.  As Intense has sd, have a word with social services so you know the position in your area.  My son is in supported living.  For this to work your son needs a gradual introduction to it.  Maybe a visit or 2 after you've talked about it with him so his opinion has been taken into account.  Also you/he need to find the best care organisation for him + the right environment for him.  I've been down this road, got the tee shirt etc, so in my opinion you wd need to find :  the best autism specific care provider your council has on its list.  Some care providers are generic + have an "autism service" aswell as other services.  I think a provider devoted purely to autism is best.  Even then, really check them out.  You shd be able to go to a mtg organised by social services to do this + ask any questions + then choose.   Then there's finding an  environment he wd feel comfortable enough in. Eg:  wd he like to share a property?  If so, with how many?  Wd any of the others in that property have habits which wd irritate him?  What's the turnover in the property?  Wd he be more comfortable in a flat or bungalow rather than a 3 bed semi?  What's the area like?   Things like that.  It looks like you've got time to be able to discuss + plan + then put things into action if it works out that way.  This is far better than a crisis developing and perhaps an emergency placement having to be found extremely quickly that might not be particularly appropriate.

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  • Hi - he doesn't have to move any time soon (presumably) so discussing the future can be taken gradually.  As Intense has sd, have a word with social services so you know the position in your area.  My son is in supported living.  For this to work your son needs a gradual introduction to it.  Maybe a visit or 2 after you've talked about it with him so his opinion has been taken into account.  Also you/he need to find the best care organisation for him + the right environment for him.  I've been down this road, got the tee shirt etc, so in my opinion you wd need to find :  the best autism specific care provider your council has on its list.  Some care providers are generic + have an "autism service" aswell as other services.  I think a provider devoted purely to autism is best.  Even then, really check them out.  You shd be able to go to a mtg organised by social services to do this + ask any questions + then choose.   Then there's finding an  environment he wd feel comfortable enough in. Eg:  wd he like to share a property?  If so, with how many?  Wd any of the others in that property have habits which wd irritate him?  What's the turnover in the property?  Wd he be more comfortable in a flat or bungalow rather than a 3 bed semi?  What's the area like?   Things like that.  It looks like you've got time to be able to discuss + plan + then put things into action if it works out that way.  This is far better than a crisis developing and perhaps an emergency placement having to be found extremely quickly that might not be particularly appropriate.

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