Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I’m just wanting to know peoples thoughts on low demand parenting.
my son age 11 suffered really badly with school refusal, high anxiety and constantly had meltdowns. It’s been a long road but since I’ve changed my parenting and lowered all the demands I was putting on him, he is like a different child. He is happy, less anxious and has had one day off school since starting year 6. Im just a bit bothered that today someone said to me I was doing passive parenting and that I should put more boundaries in place otherwise when he get to high school he’s going to have a shock, he’s going to get worse and it will be harder for me to get the reigns back on. At the minute I’m enjoying me child being happy and more confident. Do I really want to rock the boat and put more pressure on him.
any thoughts really appreciated
I'm not sure what you mean by demands.
I'm also not sure I agree with most typical parenting, too many parents have unreasonable demands and don't always respect their children as an independent being with inherent worth who I'm responsible to help succeed or can neglect and let fail. I used to say it's good to treat children like adults and adults like their inner child. In other words, speak to the potential in the other.
As a parent, I've noticed that when I spend time growing myself, I don't have to teach my son the things I learn. Assuming responsibility means suffering with, doing a thing with. And it's not always that easy with our modern demands. But it is matters of the heart and the becoming of the person - get this right and they'll be able to 'do' what's needed when older. But ignore their spirit, or growth as whole humans, forcing them into their very own rat-wheel and, it's a gamble. Or has someone once said, we're human beings, not human doings.
Learning to engage in discipline for the sake of its rewards is a whole different approach to life.
Thankyou so much for your reply
By demands I mean every day things like, you have to eat at the table, you have restricted time on the PlayStation, you have to come shopping with me or doing your home work. All these caused huge meltdowns so I just don’t do it. He knows he has to come of the PlayStation before bedtime, where as before I used to put a time limit on it. Sometimes I do let him eat his tea upstairs if I know he is overwhelmed and I did stop all homework as he was struggling so much just to get through the school gates and was burnt out by the time he got home. He is now reading 4 times a week of his own back and don’t have to ask him to do it.