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School doing nothing to help

NAS91525

Hi there, I'm quite desperate to get help for my child, who has high functioning autism.

My child has been unable to make friends in the two years since they started secondary school, so is isolated every single break and lunchtime. They find it almost impossible to speak to others, as part of their autism difficulties they have extreme social anxiety.

My child's difficulties are so bad, that they can only speak to immediate family, not even aunties, uncles etc.

I've literally been passed from the GP to school nurse, from school nurse to Senco teacher, then around the circuit again.

School have made numerous promises after management at first denying that my child was alone and isolated, however this in fact was confirmed by other people, including a teacher. The school don't really care as my child does well in tests, so as it's not interfering with their results, my child isn't considered a problem to them!

The school have not fulfilled a single promise they made me, (unfortunately all verbally) and have done nothing at all to try help, my child doesn't even get an IEP.

 I'm seriously concerned about my child's ability in the future to be able to work, have any relationships, or to even do basic things like doctor appointments, shopping etc. for themselves. They certainly will be unable to ask for help from anyone except immediate family and I won't always be around to sort things out for them.

 I'm just so sad that my child is so alone. They are a fantastic child with so much to offer a friend, but they just accept that this is how their life is to be. It's heartbreaking to send my child to school each day.

Has anyone any suggestions about what I can do, or how to get school/gp/anyone to help my child, please?

Thanks so much for reading 

  • The use of the term 'high functioning' is probably not helping the situation. Functioning labels are outdated terms which are considered disrespectful to the autistic community. Current NHS guidelines make it clear that they should not be used and that high functioning autism is not and never was a diagnosis. 

    The reason it is problematic is that an autistic person deemed 'high functioning' is very often unable to obtain the support they need. It is much more helpful to talk in terms of support needs rather than level of functioning.

    An autistic person may function well in one environment and be completely unable to function in another. It is common for autistic children to need much more support following the huge transition from primary to secondary school.

    Your child is clearly lacking the support they need and I wish you well in your battle to gain that support. Sadly it is not an uncommon situation. You have learned the hard way to keep all communication in writing.

    In the right environment and with the right support your child may thrive in a way you cannot currently imagine. I would recommend the books by Dr Luke Beardon as a good resource for strategies to help with addressing their extreme social anxiety.

  • Have you investigated electronic devices for non-speech communication?

    Your child seems to be experiencing selective mutism. It is something I had as a young child. On starting school at four and a half, I was selectively mute at school for 3 months and had shorter bouts until I was seven. Obviously, your child's mutism is worse than mine, but if it is any comfort I went on to marry, have children and a rewarding career in scientific research. I'm autistic, as well.

    I think that your child needs some form of therapy. If I were you would do some research on what forms of therapy are the most applicable. Once you have found something you think is going to be useful you can apply to your GP for referral, if nothing comes of this try the 'Right to Choose' route. This is a scheme where the NHS can pay for private treatments, alas a GP referral is also needed for this. If you have the resources, private therapy does not require any referral whatsoever, though it may be expensive.

    Your child is obviously not receiving the help that they need and that they should be getting. It may be worth making a stink, write formal letters to the various entities involved and state that you believe that your child is being discriminated against on the grounds of disability. If you wish to escalate this, threaten to go to the local press about the situation.