Independent living for son with Aspergers

Valerias said:

Hi

I'm new to the website/forum but I'm beginning to run out of ideas.  My son was diagnosed at 17 has had little help from Social Services and has recently been assessed as able to make his own decisions and therefore outside of their scope for support. 

My thoughts have now transferred to perhaps its me that needs the help.  We are a 4 person family my partner, myself daughter and Son.  He is the eldest.  Didn't do well at school and didn't do further education.  Got a job window cleaning and has since become owner, though this sounds good it's not quite the success story that it sounds.

I feel that if Social Services can't support me to develop Owen further at home then realistically he needs to move to independent living at 23 he still thinks that as a mum I should pretty much do everything for him still.  He does have some domestic skills but they are limited and won't improved with the attitude he has.  I am looking to find somewhere for him to move onto but don't have a clue how to get this properly moving.  He has no financial ability and will spend all his money.  As far as he is concerned he is alright at home (though we aren't).  We have thought about supported living but I perceive Owen to be a bit like an alcoholic in denial - he thinks he's ok and that his friends don't know he's different.

At this stage it looks like he won't go of his own free will, we aren't coping at home either so I'm at a loss.  I will be going to see the CAB next week, but any hints and tips will be most gratefully received.

Certainly in England he is entitled to a community care assessment and you are entitled to a carer's assessment because (it sounds like) you are providing support to him.  (See Fulfilling and rewarding Lives: The strategy for adults with autism in England, Implementing "Fulfilling and rewarding lives": Statutory guidance for local authorities and NHS organisations to support the implementation of the autism strategy).  From the NAS website it looks like this is the case in Wales too.  So you can ask social services for a carer's assessment for yourself even if they've done a community care assessment for your son and found that he is not eligible.  A community care assessment should look at more than whether he can make decisions though.  The eligibility criteria include the ability to carry out domestic tasks and maintain social relationships etc. too.

If social services where you live are anything like those where I live just getting a proper assessment could take some determination and stubborness, even though they should have been offered after diagnosis and are a legal right.  But it does at least give something to aim for and a possible route to support.

After my experiences in shared houses I wouldn't ever want to live in one again unless I knew the people well.  Keeping yourself and your possessions safe and secure can be very difficult with some kinds of housemates!  I can remember one university holiday at my parents' house thinking how nice it was not having to always keep my wallet on my person.  There may be the risk that if he has a bad experience he'll be even more reluctant to live independently as a result.  I was "eased into" living in my own place by halls of residence and then shared houses, and then when they drove me nuts moving home was no longer an option.

Studio flats are one option.  By this I mean cheap ones that are "studio flats" because they're too small to be worth separating into a living room and bedroom rather than to be swanky, modern, and "open plan".  It gives you your own space, your own front door, and your own kitchen and bathroom, which I found invaluable, but can be easier to manage than a full flat.  (This could be very important if you're likely to have to help him manage it).  Whether noise and neighbours are a problem depends on the design of the building and where it is and it's not necessarily going to be the cheapest being the worst.

I can understand you being exhausted with having to keep fighting though.  It gets very draining, and the "professionals" are often less than helpful.

Valerias said:

Hi

I'm new to the website/forum but I'm beginning to run out of ideas.  My son was diagnosed at 17 has had little help from Social Services and has recently been assessed as able to make his own decisions and therefore outside of their scope for support. 

My thoughts have now transferred to perhaps its me that needs the help.  We are a 4 person family my partner, myself daughter and Son.  He is the eldest.  Didn't do well at school and didn't do further education.  Got a job window cleaning and has since become owner, though this sounds good it's not quite the success story that it sounds.

I feel that if Social Services can't support me to develop Owen further at home then realistically he needs to move to independent living at 23 he still thinks that as a mum I should pretty much do everything for him still.  He does have some domestic skills but they are limited and won't improved with the attitude he has.  I am looking to find somewhere for him to move onto but don't have a clue how to get this properly moving.  He has no financial ability and will spend all his money.  As far as he is concerned he is alright at home (though we aren't).  We have thought about supported living but I perceive Owen to be a bit like an alcoholic in denial - he thinks he's ok and that his friends don't know he's different.

At this stage it looks like he won't go of his own free will, we aren't coping at home either so I'm at a loss.  I will be going to see the CAB next week, but any hints and tips will be most gratefully received.

Certainly in England he is entitled to a community care assessment and you are entitled to a carer's assessment because (it sounds like) you are providing support to him.  (See Fulfilling and rewarding Lives: The strategy for adults with autism in England, Implementing "Fulfilling and rewarding lives": Statutory guidance for local authorities and NHS organisations to support the implementation of the autism strategy).  From the NAS website it looks like this is the case in Wales too.  So you can ask social services for a carer's assessment for yourself even if they've done a community care assessment for your son and found that he is not eligible.  A community care assessment should look at more than whether he can make decisions though.  The eligibility criteria include the ability to carry out domestic tasks and maintain social relationships etc. too.

If social services where you live are anything like those where I live just getting a proper assessment could take some determination and stubborness, even though they should have been offered after diagnosis and are a legal right.  But it does at least give something to aim for and a possible route to support.

After my experiences in shared houses I wouldn't ever want to live in one again unless I knew the people well.  Keeping yourself and your possessions safe and secure can be very difficult with some kinds of housemates!  I can remember one university holiday at my parents' house thinking how nice it was not having to always keep my wallet on my person.  There may be the risk that if he has a bad experience he'll be even more reluctant to live independently as a result.  I was "eased into" living in my own place by halls of residence and then shared houses, and then when they drove me nuts moving home was no longer an option.

Studio flats are one option.  By this I mean cheap ones that are "studio flats" because they're too small to be worth separating into a living room and bedroom rather than to be swanky, modern, and "open plan".  It gives you your own space, your own front door, and your own kitchen and bathroom, which I found invaluable, but can be easier to manage than a full flat.  (This could be very important if you're likely to have to help him manage it).  Whether noise and neighbours are a problem depends on the design of the building and where it is and it's not necessarily going to be the cheapest being the worst.

I can understand you being exhausted with having to keep fighting though.  It gets very draining, and the "professionals" are often less than helpful.