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Getting diagnosis for autistic teenage girls

Panda

Hello

I have two teenage daughters (age 16, and 13), both of whom I believe are autistic, and the youngest ADHD as well. I had suspicions about the eldest from when she was a young child as she had issues with eye contact, socialising, and some sensitivities. They weren’t severe and I didn’t investigate further – since then I guess she’s learned to mask well and she’s coping but has social anxiety. The youngest has always appeared uncooperative and disorganised and difficult to talk to, but her dad and I just wrote this off as bad behaviour. I’ve become more and more concerned and perplexed about her in recent years and finally we did some family therapy which didn’t really help her directly, but the counsellor told us she is probably autistic and ADD (ie no hyperactivity). Her father and I have spent a year considering whether we should tell the girls our thoughts, and we finally did, and both took it well (the youngest had already figured out the ADD from TicTok!). We offered both girls the option of pursuing diagnosis, and they would both like that. We’re aware of the terrible situation regards NHS testing for autism and we’re not prepared to wait that long since we have enough savings to go for a private testing.

Does anyone have any recommendations about private clinics for testing? We’re based in Oxford and there are two clinics here, but we’ve been recommended to use a place in Leamington Spa (Heathcare4Kids). Or has anyone had their kid/s tested and any suggestions for what to look for in a clinic, or whether it is better to pick somewhere nearby we can go to in person, or if online appointments are satisfactory.

Any advice, tips etc much appreciated.

Parents

  • Not a recommendation but I just wanted to let you know that you're doing such a wonderful thing for your girls. 

    I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2022 and as autistic quite literally yesterday, and I'm turning 32 next month. Discovering these things about myself has absolutely been the most magnificent experience, despite the many challenges it has presented, but it has also come (and this is common amongst those who make the discovery later) with a tremendous amount of grief for the life I could have had if my family and I had known. 

    In the case of your girls, you're going to be able to give them the tools and the vocabulary to not just better understand themselves, but engage with the world in a way that suits their needs, and shape themselves around their true identities, rather than around the stories they might otherwise learn to tell themselves about some unknown missing thing.

    The main advice I would give is to make sure you all, as individuals and as a family, know that all these things are just words, and that if a diagnosis is the right path for you to follow you don't have to hold your breaths while you wait for it. The more I read about autism, and the more I heard people tell their stories, the more I saw myself reflected in the words, and for the first time in my life I felt able to describe who I was. A diagnosis is great, but what's more important is their right to define and describe themselves with the words fit in the blank spaces. And I think it might be quite powerful for you and their father to know that what you're ultimately providing them with is the time, safe space and agency to do that, and not just paying a professional to perform their job--not to belittle that in any way.

Reply

  • Not a recommendation but I just wanted to let you know that you're doing such a wonderful thing for your girls. 

    I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2022 and as autistic quite literally yesterday, and I'm turning 32 next month. Discovering these things about myself has absolutely been the most magnificent experience, despite the many challenges it has presented, but it has also come (and this is common amongst those who make the discovery later) with a tremendous amount of grief for the life I could have had if my family and I had known. 

    In the case of your girls, you're going to be able to give them the tools and the vocabulary to not just better understand themselves, but engage with the world in a way that suits their needs, and shape themselves around their true identities, rather than around the stories they might otherwise learn to tell themselves about some unknown missing thing.

    The main advice I would give is to make sure you all, as individuals and as a family, know that all these things are just words, and that if a diagnosis is the right path for you to follow you don't have to hold your breaths while you wait for it. The more I read about autism, and the more I heard people tell their stories, the more I saw myself reflected in the words, and for the first time in my life I felt able to describe who I was. A diagnosis is great, but what's more important is their right to define and describe themselves with the words fit in the blank spaces. And I think it might be quite powerful for you and their father to know that what you're ultimately providing them with is the time, safe space and agency to do that, and not just paying a professional to perform their job--not to belittle that in any way.

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