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OCD help struggling teenage can't find local support or services.

NAS90898

Services just keep passing us around like a game...
My daughter (14) has significant undiagnosed OCD traits, that are made significantly worse if she becomes anxious in any way. E.g. 2or 3 hour showers, antibacterial wash all over body, clothes washing going between washer and dryer because someone might hace touched it, nobody allowed near her bedroom.

Earlier this year her world was tipped upside down and mum walked out on us. Until then I am rather ashamed to say that my ex was the primary carer, not out of choice on my behalf; but out of the fact that my daughter sees me as dirt. I don't have the heart to tell her that I did almost all her washing for the past 5 years behind her back because her mum stopped doing it.

Now that I've had to take on the primary carer role, my daughter is really struggling with the transition and it's impacting on her, I've tried to get help from local services, but as soon as I mention Autism, we get passed on to yet another service with no help.

Not only is my daughter finding things a real struggle, it is also having a significant impact on her siblings.

On top of all this it appears that she has been made to feel very negative by my ex about autism and maid to feel a "crazy, stupid, freak, mental" (not my words, but how my 14 year old says other people see her).


Things are getting hard enough for her that she has mentioned suicide, and yet no local services appears to care...


What do I do?
How can I help my daughter?
Who should I ask for helping?

  • Hello ,

    Thank you for sharing this with the community. I'm sorry to hear that your daughter has been struggling with these behaviours and the impact that this has had on your family. You may find it useful to have a look at the following information from the NAS on OCD, which includes strategies to support your daughter and external support you may be able to seek for her:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/ocd

    I hope this helps,

    ChloeMod

  • This seems really hard... 

    But as woman who was once that age (only undiagnosed) she may first need help with the trauma, as this is a gatekeeper to many other issues being relieved/ resolved. Autistic or not, there should be a good amount of therapists who use grounding principles and matters of being human, which everyone needs. 

    Does she have any ADHD or dyslexic friends? We share a few fundamental differences, and it may help her feel a little more grounded and a little more normal. Have a look at https://www.instagram.com/thearticulateautistic/ the stigma is real, unfortunately. There are a lot of adults who are trying to change this, but change is slow. 

    I think the best thing is to remember to not dismiss her when she says things like "I'm a freak". For me it was comforting to hear, "Ok, but just make sure you're the best freak or if you're going to fail, do it well" Understanding that blessing can be a curse, that oddities make us unique comes as we grow. I might even suggest you binge shows together that emphasise this. Turn dinner into a few episodes of Marvels Agents of Shield or the break into a marathon of Harry Potter. Percy Jackson is on Disney - also a good one where they actually say it's the dyslexics and ADHD'rs who are usually the misfits (who end up being cool).