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Undiagnosed but needing help with identity

NAS90824

Hi, I'm new to all this and this is my first post.  My son is 8, year 4 at school.  I am starting to understand and realise that he may have undiagnosed autism due to showing many traits.  This mainly affects his ability to make and/or keep friends.  He gets emotional support from a mentor at school and they have mentioned perhaps pursuing a sen diagnosis but he is good at masking his unhappiness so we are struggling a little.  I believe he would be much happier if I could explain to him that he might be different.  But without a diagnosis I worry this would be the wrong thing to do.  I don't want to label him myself if it turns out he 'grows out of it' (although we have been waiting 3 years for this to happen!).

How and when should I talk to him about possibility of asd, or shouldn't I? It could be long time before assessment as paperwork only done in July.

Thanks for any tips.  I'm really worried that he is becoming depressed and anxious due to his struggles with friendships.

Parents

  • Hey there

    i have exactly the same issue. My son is 8 and in year 4. We have a referral from the gp and had to get the school to fill in some forms but because he’s masking all the time the school has only seen him distressed going in but okay when there. As with you anxiety is the thing with my boy which is heartbreaking to witness. I take my son for therapy sessions with a lady who gets them working with horses as a distraction to communicate with him. He still has his moments but has learned that the bad feelings will pass and also uses techniques to manage the anxiety a little better. We pay private but it’s money well spent tbh. I have chosen not to tell my son until he needs to know (when he has an assessment) I have recently discovered that I too may very well be on the spectrum also so from my point of view I’m hoping that when I do tell him and that I am the same he will see it’s okay to be this way. 
    other than the therapy I’m sorry I can’t offer any more advice 

  • in reply to Take5

    Thank you so much for your reply.  I'm sorry to hear your son is the same, it is hard when they hide it so well so school don't appreciate the problem but then it all spills out at home.  You have given me some good ideas on what we could implement to help him. Thanks again.

  • in reply to NAS90824

    We had a phoncall from my son’s school today saying he was sick. He didn’t want to go this morning and was so clingy. We took him anyway (his therapist said don’t start letting him not go to school otherwise you create a bad habit) yes it’s tough but you are who you are and that’s why we love them dearly, exactly the way they are. For sure the therapy has been the best thing ever and given him some tools to unmask and start to be himself. He’s gone from such a quiet little boy to having quite an extrovert streak in him sometimes….. I love it that he can do that sometimes. 

Reply
  • in reply to NAS90824

    We had a phoncall from my son’s school today saying he was sick. He didn’t want to go this morning and was so clingy. We took him anyway (his therapist said don’t start letting him not go to school otherwise you create a bad habit) yes it’s tough but you are who you are and that’s why we love them dearly, exactly the way they are. For sure the therapy has been the best thing ever and given him some tools to unmask and start to be himself. He’s gone from such a quiet little boy to having quite an extrovert streak in him sometimes….. I love it that he can do that sometimes. 

Children
  • in reply to Take5

    Perhaps try and look at all this in a different way. I started by feeling sorry for him and was devastated because he wasn’t going to be what I thought he would be, I look at it like this is a gift now and if he can unlock the things he’s going to specialise in he will have a job and a life that he truly enjoys. How amazing would that be to be able to say that?