• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 68 subscribers
  • Views 755 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Help! Parent of young adult

Homebird37

Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post. My son whose 19 was diagnosed this year. He started Uni last year and is living away from home. He has always struggled with friendship in the real world but not on line where he has several good friends who he has met with. He is really struggling with maintaining friendships at Uni although he does seem to have a couple of people. 

My question is how do other parents support their adult child when it comes to friendship. He is saying he feels lonely cause they aren't always including him or responding to his texts. It's difficult to tell whether this is his perception of the situation or whether they are only tolerating him which is heartbreaking!

As a parent it's hard to hear and it would be good to have other parents experiences of helping their young adult child.

Thanks and sorry for the ramble!

Parents

  • It's always good to join a group of interest and also connect with the ADHD kids and the dyslexic group, if these exist somewhere on campus - other kids 'on the spectrum' will be able to speak his language. The problem is a difference in not just how we communicate and a loss in translation, but there are some real polarities between many non-autistic and autistic individuals.

    What's normal, or Typical, might be using words and language for a bit of theatrical magic, with seemingly secret meanings, and to create a sense of togetherness.

    Autistics can be drawn to the 'magic' of ordinary things in the Natural world around them - finding the extraordinary in the ordinary. And beyond fan-fiction of magical worlds, won't be 'socialised' in the Typical way so to recognise immediately how words are used beyond a function of communication. Often we won't catch that, while everyone sees the elephant in the room, there's a collective agreement to an unspoken contract that no one will speak of this. The Autistic kid isn't getting the signals that this sort of social pretend-play is in motion, accidentally mentions the elephant and it spoils the fun for everyone. Now, the same can be said in the opposite direction. A collective of autistics and maybe their ADHD friends are body doubling immersed in a flow-state and their Typical Friend is highly bored with this arrangement, continues to break the flow, and so must be ejected from the group! These are simply a matter of differing inclinations and ways of perceiving and enjoying the world around. 

    But two opposing personalities with a collected interest can always find a way to appreciate one another's nuances. Which is why online, one can be a virtual 'self' and allow a relationship to slowly unfold. In person, too much is given away too fast. Or a difficulty reading one another can create an immediate distrust. There is the possibly that everything is a real world experience depending on how we look at it. One just a bit more difficult! He may need bullet points and guidelines for relating with Non-Autistics on how to plant a seed of friendship and slowly allow it to grow over the course of a few years, while also finding others he's more similar to. 

Reply

  • It's always good to join a group of interest and also connect with the ADHD kids and the dyslexic group, if these exist somewhere on campus - other kids 'on the spectrum' will be able to speak his language. The problem is a difference in not just how we communicate and a loss in translation, but there are some real polarities between many non-autistic and autistic individuals.

    What's normal, or Typical, might be using words and language for a bit of theatrical magic, with seemingly secret meanings, and to create a sense of togetherness.

    Autistics can be drawn to the 'magic' of ordinary things in the Natural world around them - finding the extraordinary in the ordinary. And beyond fan-fiction of magical worlds, won't be 'socialised' in the Typical way so to recognise immediately how words are used beyond a function of communication. Often we won't catch that, while everyone sees the elephant in the room, there's a collective agreement to an unspoken contract that no one will speak of this. The Autistic kid isn't getting the signals that this sort of social pretend-play is in motion, accidentally mentions the elephant and it spoils the fun for everyone. Now, the same can be said in the opposite direction. A collective of autistics and maybe their ADHD friends are body doubling immersed in a flow-state and their Typical Friend is highly bored with this arrangement, continues to break the flow, and so must be ejected from the group! These are simply a matter of differing inclinations and ways of perceiving and enjoying the world around. 

    But two opposing personalities with a collected interest can always find a way to appreciate one another's nuances. Which is why online, one can be a virtual 'self' and allow a relationship to slowly unfold. In person, too much is given away too fast. Or a difficulty reading one another can create an immediate distrust. There is the possibly that everything is a real world experience depending on how we look at it. One just a bit more difficult! He may need bullet points and guidelines for relating with Non-Autistics on how to plant a seed of friendship and slowly allow it to grow over the course of a few years, while also finding others he's more similar to. 

Children
No Data