teenage son newly diagnosed

At 13 most kids desire agency, are trying to work out how to relate in life and what they might win at. These are the core principles behind many theories which inquire into human flourishing.

From about 12-17 they don't want to be seen with parents. It's not reallyPDA, it's simply uncool.  And that's OK. I would take my son out once a month, mum-son 'date'. He's now 27 and 10-20 years ago, we would be able to ask a movie theatre to turn down the sound and they would. But even then I'd take ear plugs. We'd go into the city and part of that would be teaching him navigation skills. I'd continue to help prompt questions about where to find directions and leave him in charge of some decisions within a set of parameters. This helps build confidence. He might also want to exchange old video games for new. But specific things were planned in advance: dinner, movie. And once these are discussed and pre-planned, they can be locked into the imagination so they are difficult for an Autistic child to even want to change. Stick to the plan.

Anxiety is part and parcel for Autism and ADHD. Loads of new research pouring out since 2020 have found GABA signalling and sense-perception filtering differences in these. It means not being able to shut down a song loop at 4am or a Real Need to Resolve a Problem, troubleshoot a problem (whether an issue with a relationship or a maths problem). For a young child without wisdom and maturity of a 40 year and without the Encyclopaedia of a PhD student, this can be Very Frustrating. But, I've found not being able to filter out dangerous sense-perception such as a gas leak or other VOCs like formaldehyde have been useful. Seeing or hearing something dangerous really came to my aid and saved others. The problem isn't Autistics. Maybe allow at least one natural source of light - a filament bulb like halogen, for reading at night (see lightaware.org), ear protection, 100% natural fibre clothing and plain food-stuffs with simple ingredients. You might already do this!! Sometimes I write for all parents reading :) 

There are good and difficult things that go along with an inability or difference to filter out the Natural World and we need those who can work in health and safety, see the details that might crumble infrastructure as well as those in artistic fields who genuinely care about aesthetics - all these are potential, but I've found certain things to help boost the bodies ability to create GABA helpful for balance and less anxiety, like Lions Mane and Reishi. GABA is also responsible for gut-health and I cannot digest things in the mustards/brassicas family very well (no broccoli or spinach), so my fibre comes from fresh fruit and nuts. But everyone is different. 

If I can, I'd suggest to perceive any opposition as his desire to assert 'becoming adult'. And allow room for open discussion. Help provide options so he can begin to think about how to make wise and healthy choices. He won't sometimes, but choose the battles he can safely fail at and allow him room to win on occasion. Most things are not matters of consequence. x

At 13 most kids desire agency, are trying to work out how to relate in life and what they might win at. These are the core principles behind many theories which inquire into human flourishing.

From about 12-17 they don't want to be seen with parents. It's not reallyPDA, it's simply uncool.  And that's OK. I would take my son out once a month, mum-son 'date'. He's now 27 and 10-20 years ago, we would be able to ask a movie theatre to turn down the sound and they would. But even then I'd take ear plugs. We'd go into the city and part of that would be teaching him navigation skills. I'd continue to help prompt questions about where to find directions and leave him in charge of some decisions within a set of parameters. This helps build confidence. He might also want to exchange old video games for new. But specific things were planned in advance: dinner, movie. And once these are discussed and pre-planned, they can be locked into the imagination so they are difficult for an Autistic child to even want to change. Stick to the plan.

Anxiety is part and parcel for Autism and ADHD. Loads of new research pouring out since 2020 have found GABA signalling and sense-perception filtering differences in these. It means not being able to shut down a song loop at 4am or a Real Need to Resolve a Problem, troubleshoot a problem (whether an issue with a relationship or a maths problem). For a young child without wisdom and maturity of a 40 year and without the Encyclopaedia of a PhD student, this can be Very Frustrating. But, I've found not being able to filter out dangerous sense-perception such as a gas leak or other VOCs like formaldehyde have been useful. Seeing or hearing something dangerous really came to my aid and saved others. The problem isn't Autistics. Maybe allow at least one natural source of light - a filament bulb like halogen, for reading at night (see lightaware.org), ear protection, 100% natural fibre clothing and plain food-stuffs with simple ingredients. You might already do this!! Sometimes I write for all parents reading :) 

There are good and difficult things that go along with an inability or difference to filter out the Natural World and we need those who can work in health and safety, see the details that might crumble infrastructure as well as those in artistic fields who genuinely care about aesthetics - all these are potential, but I've found certain things to help boost the bodies ability to create GABA helpful for balance and less anxiety, like Lions Mane and Reishi. GABA is also responsible for gut-health and I cannot digest things in the mustards/brassicas family very well (no broccoli or spinach), so my fibre comes from fresh fruit and nuts. But everyone is different. 

If I can, I'd suggest to perceive any opposition as his desire to assert 'becoming adult'. And allow room for open discussion. Help provide options so he can begin to think about how to make wise and healthy choices. He won't sometimes, but choose the battles he can safely fail at and allow him room to win on occasion. Most things are not matters of consequence. x