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Can behaviour coping/ improvements happen between ages of 5 and 7 years old? (demand avoidance/ dysregulated emotions/ meltdowns)

NAS87511

Hi there. Our son is 5 years old and feels like his demand avoidance etc is getting worse. He started school year OK but he now mostly refuses to stay in the classroom, runs off to escape, and reacts to most demands or pressure. He gets dysregulated often when doesn't get his own way and finds it very hard to cope with his feelings, at home and school. Stating the obvious, we love him to bits and would love for him to develop coping strategies etc in order to be happier and be able to do more 'normal' things he rejects at the moment.

We are trying to get an idea if we can be hopeful that over the next 2 years, with the right help, our son will be able to cope better? to feel less angry/ frustrated/ anxious, and generally calmer. Is this realistic? High chance, low chance? Hoping by age of 7, in 2 years he will be more developed and able to handle his challenges better than he can now. 

We're doing Speech and language therapy, soon to start occupational therapy. Have applied for EHCP at school.

Be good to hear if parents generally think we could be hopeful for good degree of improvement, or if it's not that likley. (Appreciate all kids and families are different and unique!)

thank you.

Parents

  • I am by no means an expert except that my son is mildly autistic with mild PDA. He was not massively disruptive at school but it took him a long time to "socialise".  He was and still is getting told off because he can't stop talking and he struggles with instructions, and the order of things. He did change quite considerably around Year 4.  He was not diagnosed and so was not officially under the SENCO's wing, but she did make a point of coming up to me at the school gate to say she had been on a day trip with his class and the change in him over a couple of years was significant.  He was more relaxed and chatty, and more sociable. A lot of things I read say you can't grow out of autism but it seems to me that you can evolve. He did go through a period of severe meltdowns at home after that - year 5 as I remember - for example if he was in one of his obsessions and after a series of explanations and warnings he was told that it was time to stop, but that seems to have changed too, although he can still be quick to anger, especially if he is in one of his angry weeks. There are new issues now relating to OCD, and I worry that he is coping to a large extent on the outside at school but that it's exhausting for him on the inside, and although he will accept loving gestures he flat refuses any support, which I think is related to the PDA and the refusal to accept advice or suggestions for different ways of doing things.  So I would say it must of course depend on your child, but that it will not necessarily stay exactly the same for ever.  

Reply

  • I am by no means an expert except that my son is mildly autistic with mild PDA. He was not massively disruptive at school but it took him a long time to "socialise".  He was and still is getting told off because he can't stop talking and he struggles with instructions, and the order of things. He did change quite considerably around Year 4.  He was not diagnosed and so was not officially under the SENCO's wing, but she did make a point of coming up to me at the school gate to say she had been on a day trip with his class and the change in him over a couple of years was significant.  He was more relaxed and chatty, and more sociable. A lot of things I read say you can't grow out of autism but it seems to me that you can evolve. He did go through a period of severe meltdowns at home after that - year 5 as I remember - for example if he was in one of his obsessions and after a series of explanations and warnings he was told that it was time to stop, but that seems to have changed too, although he can still be quick to anger, especially if he is in one of his angry weeks. There are new issues now relating to OCD, and I worry that he is coping to a large extent on the outside at school but that it's exhausting for him on the inside, and although he will accept loving gestures he flat refuses any support, which I think is related to the PDA and the refusal to accept advice or suggestions for different ways of doing things.  So I would say it must of course depend on your child, but that it will not necessarily stay exactly the same for ever.  

Children
  • in reply to Sonata

    I should add that the warnings I refer to above were before I realised that PDA was a semi-recognised thing, so I was sometimes going about it the wrong way although I was beginning to work it out, in that a straight demand was not easy for him so I gradually changed my approach and now have more techniques to help in these situations.