Published on 12, July, 2020
I wanted to join a discussion for women married to men with Aspergers but I must be a bit thick as I can't see how to join in the threads I have read so far. I have been married for 45 years and for 34 of those years I have been chronically sick and disabled. Although I always knew my husband was 'a bit strange' I thought it was mostly his upbringing and then this year discovered it was Aspergers. Reading about it and seeing a counseller has helped but I am overwhelmed by the sadness I feel that I have in some ways 'wasted' 45 years of my life expecting something different and always trying to work things out and hope for change. Now I know that I can stop banging my head against a brick wall but I also know that if I could turn the clock back I would not have married this man. I can't leave him now. It's too difficult because of my condition. I have often said that if my husband had taken up medicine he would have been a brilliant surgeon who would save your life but have no bedside manner! It's the emotional support which is lacking. He can build a ramp and adapt a bathroom but when another long term medical condition hit me 3 years ago and I thought I was going to lose my sight he said NOTHING! It's words that fail him. Anyway, this is just a start as I dip my toe into this community... but I would like to hear from other people who are NTs and whose health is not good and have found their partners wanting in that situation because of their lack of empathy. Even though he tells me he loves me every day you begin to wonder what love is because somehow it feels like a mechanical habit as he always says it at the same time and in the same way... Gotta go now
Hi Hope,
No, H hasn't had a formal diagnosis as such. We started with the Tony Attwood book then saw H's G.P. who knew the book because his son was being assessed. He has referred my husband to the NHS assessment team but it will be a 2 year wait by which time we shall be in our 70s! We went to see a private counsellor/specialist who was very helpful. We saw her a few times but it was some distance away and costly. She said that to do a full assessment it would cost us at least £3,500 and would involve a speech therapist as well. H is going for the NHS assessment although he doesn't himself feel that it is necessary. Just in case anyone is wondering, I haven't pushed this on him. I've suspected it for some time but didn't go down that road. We discovered Tony Attwood's book together and H said it was like having a great weight lifted off his shoulders. We've read other books too and for everyone he has said 'This is it'.