Please respond with advice as I don’t know where to go anymore.
My older brother has been diagnosed with autism (I would say it is high functioning) since he was a child. I am 3 1/2 years younger than him and therefore witnessed all the challenges he faced because of this. I could go into further detail about this if necessary, but to sum up a long story he has struggled with social interactions as well as depression for most of my life.
Over the past 6 months-year I started to notice a change in my brother. Every year I felt as though he would become more comfortable with social interactions as college really helped him with his anxiety as well as generally seemed to just make him happier. Post grad COVID hit which was hard on everyone, but I noticed a steady decline more recently. He is insecure about not having a relationship and instead of admitting his anxiety involving this subject he has become more hateful towards women when he speaks. I noticed this about 4 months ago and thought nothing of it, as people with autism can sometimes have emotionally immature reactions because of the struggle to express themselves in a “neurotypical” way.
This weekend, however, was a turning point in our relationship. My brother revealed to me that he thinks about killing me, as well as my parents and other family members. He named high school bullies, random celebrities and other miscellaneous individuals as people who he also had this same feeling towards. I obviously was extremely scared for my own well being as well as my family and others as I wasn’t sure if he would act on these thoughts. I immediately told my parents and they continued to say that although he needs to address this with his therapist immediately, I should feel thankful that he feels comfortable enough to mention these things to me. They also spoke about how he isn’t a “strong” person and without a weapon he has no means to carry out these thoughts, as well as this also having the possibility of just being a cry for attention.
My parents were on vacation when this occurred so when they returned they informed me that he spoke to his therapist, had a “life changing” session and I shouldn’t think/talk about this again. They said how I should be happy that he is getting help and I am not the victim in this situation therefore I shouldn’t feel anyway about it. To quote my dad “He said he was going to kill me too and I didn’t even think twice about it, and you shouldn’t either”.
Am I crazy to think that I am not deserving of this? That it’s abnormal for a sibling to even feel comfortable scaring their sister in that way even if it is just a cry for attention? They yelled at me that I shouldn’t treat him any differently than before, and when I said I felt unsafe they mocked me by saying “then sleep with your door closed”. I feel alone and unsupported by my family, as they take my stress and need for guidance in managing my emotions in this situation as playing victim. For context I am only 22 and although I have been through many stressful and painful situations with my brother, nothing has come close to this and therefore I don’t know how to process it. I feel like my parents are disappointed in me as they believe I’m acting upset for attention.
Please let me know the best way for me to handle this situation. I understand that having patience for a sibling with special needs is important but I feel as though as of late my parents expect my patience to be blind forgiveness for any action no matter the severity. I don’t know if I am truly overreacting or not and would appreciate guidance in this situation.
