Hello all,
I'm new and in need of advice.
My daughter got a diagnosis this time last year, and it seemed to be a relief as she had spent all her life believing something was wrong with her, but the past year has been unbearably tough for both of us. She managed to complete her A levels, with an extraordinary amount of support from me that was, at times, detrimental to my own health. All set up for Art College, she spent the summer in a haze of drugs and alcohol and come time to start College, just couldn't do it. She enrolled and spent half a day there. I explained that if she wasn't in education that she would have to find work and sign up for Universal credit. I also asked her to contribute towards the household finances and chores. Fast forward to now, and she has pretty much spent the last five weeks in bed all day and is up all night, clattering around, eating food and leaving a mess which constantly wakes me. She said she would rather move out than help me in any way at all, that she hates our house because it all reminds her of her angry outbursts - there are literally cracks and holes everywhere from her meltdowns. She rages if I try to talk to her, smashing up glassware or kicking things - the dishwasher the other day, and I have to walk away. We can find no way to communicate at all. She says the cruellest things. We were supposed to go to New York together at half term, but she says I "demanded" it, and she's not coming, so I've lost over £1200 on the non-refundable tickets. She says she has no money, then gets herself a takewaway. I feel like she is pushing and punishing me.
For reference: she has a part time job that she sometimes goes to, but mostly not. Won't go to the doctor's. Won't go to the Job Centre. Has had one therapy session two weeks ago, but won't make another appointment.
She does need to move out, because we are both so desperately unhappy, but I'm worried that she'll end up on the streets. We live in a small town and she wants to move to the city. How can I support her to do this? If she literally won't do anything or speak to anyone, I'm at a loss where I can actually intervene and get her out. Obviously, I don't want to evict her.
Any advice on anything I've written would be most welcome. I've been on my own with her for 18 years and I'm so tired now.
Elaine
