- I’m wondering what to do. My son bites me and scratches me when he is very distressed. He’s five and non-verbal. It’s very painful; last time he bit me he drew blood. Inevitably it happens at times when both of us are stressed. Like when we went to the local swimming pool , were in the changing room and a someone had forgotten to lock a ‘staff only’ door that opened out on the pool. My son was changed into his swimming trunks. I hadn’t. I was naked. My son dashed to the door. I stopped him opening it and pulled him away. That’s when he bit me. I was scared he was going to slip on the tiles or jump into the deep section(he can’t swim). Equally I was embarrassed at the thought of having to pursue him naked into the public pool. So I was very tense which I think makes my son scared. So he’s more likely to bite or scratch me. It’s a vicious circle. He wants to do something that may be dangerous, I become tense and feel I have to physically prevent him, he picks up on my tension and gets more frantic. When I’m calm I can distract his attention elsewhere, or avoid his attacks. But the very nature of a dangerous situation means I’m not calm. My son’s also been screaming and getting very distressed, and occasionally attacking me when I’m trying to get him somewhere - it can be somewhere he’s been before with no trouble - and he takes against the route. It’s a familiar route to him but this time, he just doesn’t want to do it. Of course he has his reasons. They’re probably good ones. He’s bored, he’s curious about something and wants to explore it. But then when I baulk him it escalates in seconds to his being disregulated, screaming, in distress, perhaps attacking me. I’m torn, if I give him time to go his own way he may be ‘appeased’, but by no means always. Often he gets no relief from the activity he’s doing, gets frustrated and the cycle starts up again. And time ticks away, which can be storing up trouble. Coming back from music therapy he didn’t want to move from a nearby park to the bus stop. We missed our bus. So we were late getting home and my son had a later bedtime than usual. That can set off a circle of disturbed sleep, screaming and distress for him which takes many nights to settle out. I want my son to have enriching experiences of activities outside the home and to experience activities new to him. But I’m finding myself increasingly hesitant. I’m also scared, now, of my son when he’s attacking me. So there builds up layer upon layer of tension which affects us both. Limits us both. We’re trapped.