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Family Disorganisation

AutisT

I love my family to bits but their disorganisation is rather stressful, as I try my hardest to be organised as that's the way I've always been and I've tried to help others live life the same way as it's a better way of life and leads to less stress because you're often prepared for whatever happens because it's been planned ahead of time.

Not always the case but I've found being prepared equals less stress. My wife isn't very prepared and our son and daughter are following in her footsteps, which is fair enough but the families lack of organisation is distressing. 

This morning we were getting the kids ready for school and we should have been out the door by quarter to eight and then at the school by half past eight - far from it! We got the kids there just before nine!

My daughter couldn't find her books and bag, my son wasn't dressed, then they ate slowly and were messing about and then my wife couldn't find her car keys.

Good lord!

I don't mean to moan, I love my family dearly but I'm sure another autistic individual can appreciate my position here. As someone who is nearly always organised from the get go, all this disorganisation is horrifying to witness and go through.

  • AutisT said:
    As someone who is nearly always organised from the get go, all this disorganisation is horrifying to witness and go through.

    I have learned to let go of the anxiety of being always prepared and organised for things as it ends up taking up more energy that just living in the moment and enjoying the flow of things.

    If your family are disorganised and they are happy with it then why be Captain Buzzkill with laying down the law on what they should be doing. Try to let them stand or fall through their own lack of preparation.

    If they have to face the consequences then they will soon find a happier balance and you can be on hand to help then find ways to do this.

    You may find that not living such a rigid, structured life is actually fun - sure plan for the serious stuff (having a first aid kit, some food in the house and important numbers in your phone contacts) but spend more time with the family doing family stuff and not following a draconian regiment to get to everything to where it needs to be on time, every time.

    Often if is the chaos that is what builds the most meaningful memories. When was the last time you said "remember that time we got you to school 5 minutes early every day for a month?"

    That would be my thoughts on the matter anyway.

  • It sure is horrifying to witness and live with!

    My ex-husband was chaos personified.  I still love him to absolute pieces.  I divorced him because of his excess of booze and for no other reason.  Sober he's disorganised and that - wearing on my executive function and utterly exhausting as it is  - I'd have weathered because I love the very bones of him.  Drunken disorganisation though is a whole other level of chaos and another matter entirely.

    My son, until he was in his twenties, likewise, seemed to drip debris wherever he went and I'm sure would forget his head if it weren't attached to his shoulders.  The constantly repeated conversation in our house went:

    "Muuuummmm!  Where's my [insert missing item]?"

    "Wherever you left it, Love"

    Magic thing happened when he went off to University though.  He learned some organisational skills.  God knows how and god knows how I failed to teach them to him.  It wasn't for the want of trying.  But hey ho!  He got there in the end.  There is hope for some of your family yet, I'm sure lol.