Advise and Help with controlling friend in school

I am looking for any help and advice anyone can give me please. My daughter has Autism she is 14 and is on mainstream school. She has no real communication skills and struggles with making friends, chatting etc. She only has 1 friend and this is what I have the issue with. She has had this friend since primary school and each time a new friend might come into the scene this friend is nasty to them and almost turns them away form her. Over the years we have tried our best to manage it but its getting to the point where I think the friendship is an unhealthy one and I think my daughter needs to break away from her, she is very controlling over my daughter and I believe manipulates her more and more, my daughter is just so upset all the time and I know its getting to her. I am asked the school to arrange a meeting with me but its not the best school and I honestly don’t really know what they can do.

Would anyone of had maybe the same issue at all. Does anyone know if any groups around the Hampshire area that my daughter could start to attend. I honestly have no idea what I can do to help her so any advise or help would be great.

Thank you

  • Thank you. I have spoken with the school and asked for her to have more support in relation to her emotions so I am hoping that this might help. They have been quite supportive which is nice. I had not thought of a 3rd party to help with this I have looked at this website but I cannot find anything in my local area that might help her understand her emotion's more. I am going to have a look. Thank you.

  • To get any traction with this you will need some sort of evidence of the friend being a tangible threat to your daughter through her actions and/or influence.

    Just because the relationship is unhealthy is not going to be enough - and besides if she has been a friend to your daughter for many years then there is going to be a significant trauma to her from losing her bestie through your direct interference. I would expect a sustained period of "I hate you" behaviour and possibly even serious acting out / running away events.

    I suspect you would have more traction by meeting with the friends parents on the quiet and express your concerns in as non judgemental way as you can do - bearing in mind that they will be defensive of their own daughter too.

    Also consider that getting into trouble is a bit of a rite of passage at that age - I certainly went through it and have fond memories of being a bit of a rebel.

    Out of interest, how are you helping your daughter develop her communication skills? Is there a therapist working with her on this? I would suspect a quick word with the therapist would be the best way to slide that into the discussion to see if the issue can be processed there.

    There is also the possibility that the relationship may be developing beyond friendship which is why the friend is keeping others away. Have you considered this - they are at that age when these things start to surface.