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My nan is in hospital, don't know what is going to happen

ParentingAutism

A hard time for us all right now but all seem to be coping well. Yesterday, Friday, myself and my 2 daughters saw my Nan, their great nanny, to give her company for the night. My uncle lives with her but needed a break which is why we went. When we arrived she wasn't feeling well but kept on deteriorating, with chest pain, shortness of breath and really high blood pressure. She also has alzheimers/dementia so doesn't remember what she does during the day but we know she can't sit still for 5 minutes. 

Anyways, we called for an ambulance, which they said would be 2 hours. After 2 hours we phoned up again because she got worse, and they said that they would get a paramedic or doctor to call us back whilst we wait for an ambulance. Around 10, I left with the girls to take them home. She is now in hospital and the doctors don't know what's wrong with her and how long she will have to stay in or even if she'll make it out.

A few years ago, my grandad passed because of a heart attack in hospital and he had similar symptoms. He didn't tell anyone until he had a heart attack in hospital. My eldest keeps asking how she is and I keep saying the same thing, same as yesterday. She is slightly worried but has been so busy keeping her mind occupied she hasn't thought about. We are also thinking worse case scenario because she is 89 and has lived a great life. 

I just need to offload so thank you. 

  • This kind of situation is hard for everyone but when you're autistic it's a lot to cope with because it means change and uncertainty. I know you must be very worried at the moment but your nan is being looked after and cared for, she's in hospital in the safest place for her and if anything happens there's nurses and doctors there ready to help.

    I'm sorry you're all going through this and I hope she will be OK and home again before too long. I would say try not to worry, easy to say I know, and try to keep yourself preoccupied with other things so your worrying doesn't start to get to you.

  • These situations are so hard to be in - the very present risk to the ones we love, the helplesness and the unknown path ahead are all very hard for people who often struggle with change anyway.

    Try to think what your Nan would want you to do if you could speak to her in her lucid state - would she want you moping about worrying about her death or would she want you trying to have a normal day and do things that make you happy.

    I suspect she would want you to be well and happy. to not worry about her (as if we could do that though...) and to celebrate her and remember the good times together.

    I would maybe take the time to look out the old photo albums to remind yourself of the good times with her, remember the things you have done together and the mess ups - all in all celebrate her life and the influence she has made on your lives.

    It may give you a reminder on what to talk to her about if she has future lucid moments with you - things to tell her (how much you love her etc), things to ask (why did uncle Bill suddenly move to Australia in 1980 etc) and ask about her life - what she enjoyed most and what she regrets.

    That would be my approach anyway.