Telling your child before formal diagnosis.

My son has an EHCP so there are many things that teachers are asked to do such as breaking down instructions, repeating instructions to the class so he doesn't get singled out. He is going into year 11 next year and has adjustments for exams which include doing them in a room with only a few students, using a Chromebook for some exams, having a reader available and extra time. I believe with a diagnosis possibly but definitely with an EHCP adjustments are possible for SATS.

Apart from the academic side they have made reasonable adjustments to what uniform he wears.

With us being in regular touch with the SENCO these things have been possible at Secondary, but unfortunately as Primary didn't accept the possibility of autism diagnosis took longer and wasn't until he reached Secondary.

Thanks for your reply.

It was interesting to read about different learning of beavers/cubs. He is in beavers incidentally.  He was also in Lego therapy last year in school, waiting to find out if he'll be going back into it this year.  

His special interests are drawing and watching weird animations on YouTube.

We've spoken about differences in our bodies and our brains so I'm planting seeds all the time but he definitely needs direct information - hinting has no impact here!

I feel like it may bring him some comfort to understand why he doesn't enjoy socialising or chit chat. I'll definitely long l look into people who are neuro divergent that he might admire.

Thanks again

Thanks for telling me your experience.  The dreaded parenting advice! 

He is on a referral list for assessment and receives support in school.

What type of support does your son receive in school?  His teachers told me last year that following diagnosis, he would receive further support but who knows when that will happen!

Maybe you could start by gently talking about how we are all different, even identical twins are different in some ways.

I used to teach air activities to Beaver Scouts and Cub Scouts, and one activity involved them in small groups building a Lego kit of an aeroplane.  Some kids would get the instruction booklet, lay out all the parts on the table, and follow the instructions. Others would make a pile of parts, look at the picture and just start fitting bits together. "If all else fails, read the instructions." We all have different learning styles. Some of us want to read the instructions and follow them. Some of us are heuristic learners. This is a metaphor for the autistic experience; we process information differently and we learn differently. Provided all the bits fit together at the end, the aim is achieved. The kids enjoyed the activity and learned to name the parts of an aircraft - wing, cockpit, tail, fuselage etc. I was interested to see that Legotherapy is being used in schools with autistic kids!

So "autism" is the name for a different way of processing information. Some of us are born autistic, or ADHD, or both. It's just like about 10% of kids are left-handed.

Some kids are good at maths, some are better at English. Does he have a "special interest" ?  Maybe talk about famous inventors like Thomas Edison or Leonardo da Vinci, both of whom were probably neurodivergent. Edison struggled at school, and in fact, he was home-schooled and largely self-taught, but he was able to "think outside the box". Perhaps explain how psychologists are scientists who find out how our brains work, and how they can be like driving instructors who can help us to drive our brains better.

I was born in the mid-50s.  When I was three the paediatrician said I was "hyperactive" because I only slept for three hours a day. He said "Some children are born that way. You'll get used to it!"  That was before there was much awareness of autism, ADHD etc., so I just went through school sensing that I was different, but not really knowing why. As an adult, working with young people and doing a number of psychology and special education courses I became aware of neurodivergence, and eventually, I was diagnosed myself as an adult.  But I wish I had known when I was a kid the reason why I felt "weird" was because my brain was wired differently. The thing is to learn to work with the differences rather than against them, to build on strengths and celebrate achievements.

I haven't been formally diagnosed but my son has. We told our son we thought he was autistic when we realized that getting a diagnosis might help him get support at school. We had to discuss it with him because we had to initially go to the GP to ask for an assessment so he needed to be happy to go and with what would be discussed.

What didn't help was the first GP not believing he was autistic and trying to give me parenting advice, but we pursued it until another GP agreed to do a referral. In the end the person who diagnosed him said there was no doubt.

Also whilst awaiting assessment make sure he is on a list as we lost time because the referral for assessment after an initial meeting with CAMHS went astray.