Newly diagnosed and nervous about telling peers parents and own friends about diagnosis

My 10 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with ASD level 2 and mainly has issues with social skills, making inappropriate comments, making and keeping friends. She is in therapy and social skills group at school and I'm trying to find her an outside social skills group as well. While I expected her to have aspergers for awhile I am still coming to terms with it. I have not told many people, even some of my close friends and coworkers about her diagnosis. I also really worry about disclosing this information to parents of kids she is friends with. I am worried they will judge her and in my head make assumptions that they will not want their kids to play with her anymore because she is different and her behavior is less than predictable. She does act strange sometimes and perhaps disclosing her diagnosis will explain why she acts the way she does to others but I still worry about negative judgement. I want her to make and have friends who are role models for her, but it is challenging for her to develop friendships especially as she gets older. Has anyone else felt like this? How have you coped with these feelings? How did you disclose your child's diagnosis with others? 

Parents
  • I also really worry about disclosing this information to parents of kids she is friends with. I am worried they will judge her and in my head make assumptions that they will not want their kids to play with her anymore because she is different

    Stuff the other parents - this is no concern of theirs and if they judge your daughter on the diagnosis then they are not someone you want to give the time of day to.

    I think the other parents kids will pick on her whether the diagnosis is known or not. so it isn't really something to worry about.

     It is a fact that children are quick to pick up on it when others are different and this is what leads bullies to pick on autistic kids but can also make decent kids make friends with the same ones.

    Focus instead on the benefits of adjustments in school so she can learn more effectively and get access to support to deal with some of the difficulties of just being autistic.

    I want her to make and have friends who are role models for her

    She will never really be like these people though. Her brain is wired differently and this changes how she interacts with the world so expecting the same results as the other kids is going to put unfair pressures on her to mask her differences.

    Could it be you just want her to be "normal"? I would consider embracing her differences and teach her how important it is to be unique and to be proud of it.

    In terms of who to disclose it to - start with only those who need to know and consider asking her if she wants to chose who else to share it with. Teach her to have control and to own it so she grows to be confident and capable.

  • Thank you so much! This is very helpful and I really appreciate your feedback and book recommendations. Many thanks!

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