• Replies 2 replies
  • Subscribers 68 subscribers
  • Views 705 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Partner issues

NAS88073

New to the page and looking for advice and support. My wife has had an initial assessment and has been told she probably has autism and adhd. She has now been put on an extremely long waiting list for further diagnosis.
We have recently had a difficult relationship. We lived abroad. I worked in China for a year but covid meant the family couldn’t join me. We have two lovely children, one who has autistic traits and finds social situations difficult with meltdowns. 
My main problem is with my wife. We have disagreements where I feel not listened to or not having my points acknowledged. Seemingly, if I disagree with her then I am wrong. This is on most things. I understand how I need to change but not sure how to communicate and get my wife to acknowledge we have a communication issue.

Any help, advice or links would be appreciated.

Parents

  • I'd look up the Double Empathy problem.

    Emotional Empathy is a sort of 'telepathic' relating with and responding as expected. Cognitive Empathy will be what you'll both need to rely on to attempt to connect. Most likely, you have shared interests and perhaps mutual attraction, but how each of you experience this might be incredibly different. Technically, Autistics perceive and understand the world in such a different way that I'd suggest even our reward systems (psychological) are triggered by completely different things. 

    This isn't common knowledge, unfortunately, because of human bias, it can be painful difficult to learn to pause, reflect and go through some basic training a therapist might suggest to curtail miscommunication. She may be doing a great deal of extra work to communicate in the world around where you feel a sort of bland fluidness. The problem will always come down to an issue with translation. 

    Learn how each other communicates and never imply. Pay attention to the "4 horsemen of the apocalypse of relationships" and maybe make a contract for having difficult discussions. 

Reply

  • I'd look up the Double Empathy problem.

    Emotional Empathy is a sort of 'telepathic' relating with and responding as expected. Cognitive Empathy will be what you'll both need to rely on to attempt to connect. Most likely, you have shared interests and perhaps mutual attraction, but how each of you experience this might be incredibly different. Technically, Autistics perceive and understand the world in such a different way that I'd suggest even our reward systems (psychological) are triggered by completely different things. 

    This isn't common knowledge, unfortunately, because of human bias, it can be painful difficult to learn to pause, reflect and go through some basic training a therapist might suggest to curtail miscommunication. She may be doing a great deal of extra work to communicate in the world around where you feel a sort of bland fluidness. The problem will always come down to an issue with translation. 

    Learn how each other communicates and never imply. Pay attention to the "4 horsemen of the apocalypse of relationships" and maybe make a contract for having difficult discussions. 

Children
No Data