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NAS87379

Hi, 

I am currently really struggling so my 3 year old son has had a preference for his dad more recently and at first it was just with wanting him to put him to bed etc but now when he sees him leave he had a meltdown for nearly the whole time he was gone and it only stopped when he came back. I am the parent that does most things with him and he doesn’t see his dad as much due to long hours but I really don’t know how to manage this especially as he won’t settle with me when he’s gone. It’s causing issues in our relationship too because it is really upsetting me and my partner can’t see why. Does anyone have any ideas what we can try?

thanks in advance 

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  • NAS87379 said:
    It’s causing issues in our relationship too because it is really upsetting me and my partner can’t see why.

    I don't have much to offer on the original question at the moment (doing a bit of reading up on it though) but on the point quoted here, do you think your partner is also autistic?

    There is a strong link that shows autism is likely genetic so will exist in families to differing degrees.

    The reason for asking this is that your partners inability / unwillingness to see the issue may be an aspect of autism as well. It may help work out how to help them see the issue and appreciate your position more.

    You don't mention if your son is autistic, but I'm assuming that by posting on an autism discussion board that he is - can you clarify please?

  • in reply to Iain

    Hi, 

    Sorry we are awaiting diagnosis for my son but he definitely has some traits that have been identified by his speech therapist. My partner hasn’t officially got a diagnosis but does struggle to empathise and I feel bad because I don’t want everything to be on him either it’s just really difficult when the only thing that will settle him is his dad. 
    thank you!

  • in reply to NAS87379

    What strategies has the speech therapist recommended? Is your son able to communicate? It sounds like your son has separation anxiety. Does he find it easier to be around his dad than other people? If he only settles with his dad it's worth looking at what works for your son in that situation. I know it can feel hurtful when you carried your baby and done so much for him but you have to work with what you have right now and what's going on for him, for all your sakes. I found when my son was able to communicate his meltdowns dramatically decreased, because he could communicate his needs and that lead to less frustration. He could also understand what was going on more as his vocabulary increased and so his understanding increased. 

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  • in reply to NAS87379

    What strategies has the speech therapist recommended? Is your son able to communicate? It sounds like your son has separation anxiety. Does he find it easier to be around his dad than other people? If he only settles with his dad it's worth looking at what works for your son in that situation. I know it can feel hurtful when you carried your baby and done so much for him but you have to work with what you have right now and what's going on for him, for all your sakes. I found when my son was able to communicate his meltdowns dramatically decreased, because he could communicate his needs and that lead to less frustration. He could also understand what was going on more as his vocabulary increased and so his understanding increased. 

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