Head banging

Thank you all for your replies x

I had extreme frustration with communicating when young. I felt much less frustrated around the grandparent who had a similar 'neuro-type' and seemed to understand me so I didn't have to communicate. 

Neuroscience has discovered we can actually tap into each other's brainwaves - and 50 years ago, when we didn't understand someone from a different culture or a different language, we might have been taught to employ principles or rules to seek to understand rather than assume we know. Much of the western world, however, runs on these exchanges of 'assumptions' from algorithms to customer service, and the economy is teaching the majority how to behave. This doesn't mean this more immature way of behaving hasn't always existed, but it's so prevalent now, I've noticed others can even be offended if I can't somehow "read minds". What I think I'm trying to say, is, it's crucial to be aware of this.

GK Chesterton is actually a good read when trying to find something accessible which pulls apart and makes clear distinctions in human behaviour and interactions. In fact, there exists timeless principles which are often associated with 'middle class values' which require a bit of effort to engage with - affording dignity and affording space. Patience isn't a hard-earned virtue if one has enough money to not feel trapped by time, or lack of it. 

Autistics can often sense the undercurrent, the root, the raw material behind the illusion - and in fact have difficulty actually seeing the mirage. This applies to social situations along with other sense perceptions. Coupled with a difficulty with Left-Brain language, apprehending the physics of a thing or the system won't be something we can do until much older, but it's crucial we learn. I'm nearing 50, I still cannot identify feelings, this is called Alexithymia. So I find I now describe what I am impacted by, and don't need to to explain how that 'makes me feel'.

But it is more often than not that underneath all of this is the Absolute frustration with Interruptions. A flow of thought, interrupted by an inability to communicate it or follow the creative nature of it for lack of education. when one can hear a melody, but hasn't had the years of training to hum it out loud, there is a break. An intention or vision of our day arrested by someone changing things last minute, and we can no longer be in the moment, as actual Improvisation requires boundaries and planning and then play within those. This is the flip side of the coin tour Monotropic brain and I'm not sure it goes away. 

If she can learn mime and movement, all matters of art and yoga, music - these can help greatly. Finding friends who are similar types will help as well - dyslexics and ADHD'rs can often tap into our way of communicating and help us pronounce words we cannot seem to access. 

If your daughter has communication issues, use different types of methods to help her communicate wants/needs. This could be signing/makaton, pecs, visuals, aac device. We use pecs with my 17 year old and it helps, you can make your own or buy some, we have some we don't use which we will sell for an affordable price. My daughter head bangs, or has in the past, and it is scary and worrying for a parent. She doesn't do it much anymore but when it does happen we do our best to help. Safety comes first in our house so if she is headbanging or punching herself we use a cushion or our hand to block it and reduce the impact or we hold her head because the deep pressure calms her down. I hope this helps. 

Also be aware that capability and cope-ablity are not the same thing, you have to adjust things accordingly. And use positive reinforcement, never negative punishment, otherwise it can cause set backs and potentially damage the autistic child psychologically.

Treat the cause of the headbanging at the source, rather than at the symptoms for longer term solutions. Identify and reduce (where practical) the causes of fustration and anxiety, then try to build resilience to those triggers using mild exposure therapy, ie at a very slow and incremental pace, don't take the child outside their comfort zone, but rather build the comfort zone wider and farther to include new things.