I'm really struggling to process something and have fallen out with my sister so if someone could guide me I would be grateful as its going round and round in my head.
My nephew is almost 9 and was adopted at 2.
Nothing flagged up when young " perfect adoption".
Nothing flagged up in school , only more recently some unruly behaviour, he stole something from a boys bag and when she has asked the school for a report they wrote he had some concentration issues and disruptive at times.
She did go down the CAMHS route a year or 2 ago but it became a dead end... I'm not sure why, she is trying to pick the trail up again.
She has used a private clinic as she thinks he has ADHD, there was a few chats with a lady and meetings over Teams. A few weeks ago there was a face to face meeting with all of them and they were given a kind of provisional diagnosis of him having both ADHD and Autism. I think he chatted to the professional and was fidgety.
I love my sister very much. It is incredibly frustrating for me as i just see him as being completely in charge with no boundaries or consequences for his behaviour what so ever.
He is getting stronger and he is clever.
She let's him go to the park all day on his own and then massages him to sleep every night. She speaks to him like a baby.
She feels sorry for him for being adopted so has found giving him consequenceses hard.
She had input via zoom in Covid times with an adoption charity as he was starting to rule the roost and they suggested he had brain damage from his early years and needed therapeutic parenting and help to self regulate.
He is really really horrible to my sister in particular calls her fat, says you are not my mum, keeps her up at night if her husband is away pulling bed sheets off her and laughing, steals from friends houses. Is violent to her.I could write a long list here.
She went on holiday for the weekend as needed an adult break without him a few months ago and he stayed with me and was well behaved and fun to be with.
I worry that he has access to the world of the internet as used her phone for a long time ( he has his own now do not sure of parental settings ) and my daughter who is 15 told me he looked at rude things so god knows what he stumbled across but I have seen him clear search history in a split second.
2 weekends ago after the diagnosis he was given we went camping with lots of family.
He hit my daughter in the park ( he has done this before and marked her )
My sister downplayed it and said as he has autism and ADHD he can't help his outbursts.
He also stole sweets from the shop but she said there was no proof.
And i heard him asking another boy how long his Penis was.
hHe smashed a water balloon at another boys foot and his dad frog marched him to the tent and have him the loudest telling off and my sister went running off to apologise to the boys mum.
He then had 10 minutes time out in the tent, came out and said to his dad it was the boys fault because he called him a Paedo but he didn't know what that was.
my daughter got none of this, she said that my daughter had antagonised him first. I know I'm biased but my daughter is not like that.
My partner and her had a big argument.
She bought him bubbles to play with and the whole weekend she kept reminding me that he has these disabilities and we all need to be kind and I need to go and read up about them.
She has put a post on Facebook about how bad he is from minute to minute and has said that they have found playing keep up with a balloon helpful and he finds blowing the balloon up helpful to take deep breaths. She said it is a good sensory tool they have found for their toolkit.
She said on the post it would be nice if all family members could understand his diagnosis.
I cant handle talking to her and I really am not the type of person to not be kind and I try my hardest to understand and think outside the box but I am struggling.
Any guidance grateful
