My 11 year old hates everyone - how do I help her?

I would love some advice from autistic women who have been through something similar, or parents of autistic teenagers.

My 11 year old daughter has been diagnosed with autism recently, after a terrible year 7 where she has been bullied by her friends and also started to find some subjects at school very hard. Her self esteem is at rock bottom (she has no friends at school and finds school ‘torture’). She barely sleeps but won’t try melatonin.

She is angry with everyone and is often rude as a result. She spends a lot of each day in her room alone with the curtains shut. She rarely talks to me and won’t talk to her dad at all.

We are trying to keep all demands as low as possible at home to help her recover, and are limping along to the end of this school year (5 more weeks). She is already on a reduced timetable.

She doesn’t like reading so doesn’t want to read books on autism with me. I’ve read loads and am managing to talk and ask a little bit about autism once or twice a week in the car when she is calm.

We are maintaining contact with a longstanding friend outside school, keeping her as active as we can, trying to get her out for at least 1 activity a day and she will move school in September. I hope that will be a fresh start.

She had counselling earlier this year for 6 weeks around bullying and self-esteem but found it exhausting and doesn’t want to do it again.

Has anyone gone through anything similar? How did it resolve? How long did it last? And most importantly what helped?

Thank you!

Parents
  • She has a good few years of schooling yet, alas. Moving to a school away from her old bullies is good, but how autism aware will the new school be? Is it a smaller school, where these things can be monitored more? What kimd of help has been prescribed already, and how receptive does the new school seem to be in helping to provide that?

    Secondary school can present a lot of stressful new rules, so maybe finding systems to help with with her organisational skills might help?

    At least with the  summer there will be a break away from it all. Are there any activities she really enjoys? 

  • Thank you, Nexus, for your great advice. Her organisational skills have really struggled this year and I’ll look at what we can do to work on these as this must be making her feel worse too. We have chosen a smaller school which is less pushy academically and hope they will be able to cope with autism. It does feel a lot gentler and there is a dedicated safe space / person as well as a nice librarian (her current safe space / person). Thank you.

  • I hope it works out a little better for your daughter. 

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