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Looking for someone like me!

NAS87082

recently my daughter had a diagnosis of both autism and ADHD. She’s also in recovery from anorexia. i seem to hear and see a lot of parents who have concerns over melt downs, aggression, tantrums, 

just wondering if like me their daughter is in fact the opposite and internalises everything? She barely cried as an infant and has never had a tantrum. she heavily masks and then in turn this causes dangerous accidents, eating disorder, and depression. I’ve never met anyone in a similar situation to my daughter and I feel quite alone. I worry one day she will walk I front of a bus she’s so out of touch 

  • 99% of humans in general have a need for continuity - Making sense of ourselves as beings in the world is one of 3 parts of finding Meaning. When trying to make sense of something that is inconsistent it can be expressed internally or externally. Dating back to Freud who theorised this attempt at making sense can be grounds for all kinds of complexes (complexities) - back then it wasn't as pathologising as we understand the word today, as he felt most things could be fixed with a little investigation. I also find there are far too many things which are easily misunderstood.

    The difference in also being autistic is sense-perceiving and thus, feeling everything with greater intensity than our peers. Which in turn is expressed in a different way for unique beings. If you take a few different personality traits, they'll express this search for meaning different and also express not feeling safe different. And to the degree of intensity of impact, the problems will be expressed in different ways - thus, while one person may melt into a puddle feeling assaulted by overwhelming stimuli, another may self harm to try to override or 'drown out the noise'. take them out of the incoming assault to then fix the problem. 

    Being naturally 'in one's head' is a Jungian Introverted inclination. He suggested the introvert was more aware of external stimuli and might be better at sense-perceiving seemingly invisible elements like an engineer smelling ozone or a chemical fire, and view the world as things which have a life of their own and might be harmful, so to shield oneself. The important thing is to find what one is potentially 'wired' for or skilled at / has a talent for, and then begin to grow these talents so they don't work against us. Thus, someone who might internalise and observe could be great for watching the planetary system, but also, if not careful, become withdrawn from themselves. So the question becomes how to learn to integrate the self?

    I wasn't helped to be aware of Alexithymia (the inability to identify feelings) until mid 20's. It's difficult to even know what this means if there's no benchmark to make sense of it. But being much older I've found it was a bit part and parcel of becoming incredibly withdrawn as a child, so I was incredibly quiet and withdrawn, but: I would cry being incredibly frustrated with a difficulty with communication, or when I was falsely accused and misrepresented. What I needed to was find a way to be a more integrated self, in-tune with my surroundings so that, I can tell you what's happening and how it's impacting me, even if I can't work out how I feel about that. Both are valid.

    So as I got older (teens-20's) my response to the world being overwhelming and society just being added chaos was to shut down. The only way out is through, of course. The Artists Way was one step toward finding my True Self and learning to create boundaries so I could begin to thrive. But these are not imaginary or language-based for Autistics. They are practical, real things - anything which has been used to torture - lights, sound, VOCs, poor surroundings, anything forced. And then the psychology of the social surroundings, not just the physics of elements and how our biology responds to them. The difference here is that an average NT individual is somewhat wired to adapt or even dull their senses for the sake of being with others, Autistics can be better suited to be in-tune with environmental factors. In a tribal setting we would've sensed danger faster, even been the medic. 

    Apologies this is long! It's a good question. Hopefully this will help!

  • I was very much like your daughter, and still am to a great extent. I don't have her experience with eating disorders, but I was a very quiet baby and from my teens I've had some pretty awful mental health issues.

    It sounds like she might be having shutdowns rather than meltdowns- she's not coping, but everything becomes internal rather than external.

  • I am late 40s male ... but i have heavily suppressed myself my entire life.  I guess i have endued life, rather than lived it.

    Now that i am aware of my issues, i am trying o 'feel' a bit more ... but maybe a bit vulcan like, under the repressed exterior, appears to be quite a bit of turmoil.

    If you manage to get any help through the nhs, you are doing better than me.