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Living with an autistic older brother

NAS86741

Hi there,

I am looking for guidance and support, I am a 19 year old female with an autistic brother who is 22. My mum died 2 years ago and I have tried to support my brother and my dad as much as I can but it is very hard. I am only young, and I feel like I have a child of my own to worry about and clean up after. One of the things that really upsets and frustrates me is that he cannot clean up after himself in the bathroom. This makes it a very unpleasant space to share. I feel I can't keep myself clean as the bath is always filthy, the toilet has smeared feces and I have found worse. I can't deal with this anymore. I don't have the means to move out so I am stuck feeling disgusting all of the time. This puts a huge strain on our relationship. I feel the burdens of housework falls on me and my dad and I have no energy to enjoy my own activities. He goes to the toilet around 10-15 times a day and spends hours in there. I can't take it.

Parents

  • Oh wow! You're definitely too young to be doing this. And if you're busy housekeeping you won't have time to get a job and get on with your life.

    Autism has a set of fundamental values which, in some of us, simply appear like personality differences. For anyone with added disabilities (autistic or not), requires a properly educated individual to care for. It's important you get ahold of the right local authorities to see if you cannot find a carer to pop round and make sure things are how they should be. You could start here https://www.gov.uk/financial-help-disabled

    Not being able to mind self-care, proper nutrition and cleanliness is a severe disability which has grave consequence. Also connect here https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/introduction-to-care-and-support/

    Next contact https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/

    You need to live your life. You need to be able to focus on education and find things which you enjoy. Yes, family is important. But you should be able to do normal things: move into a flat with friends, go to a shop for just yourself, experience time to focus on self-growth and nurturing so you can thrive. Expect a clean bathroom. There may be a time in life where you have become stable and financially grounded enough to buy a house with an extra bathroom and move your brother in on your terms. But first you have to get to that place and you won't be able to help them properly until you've put your life together first. 

    Also, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum.

Reply

  • Oh wow! You're definitely too young to be doing this. And if you're busy housekeeping you won't have time to get a job and get on with your life.

    Autism has a set of fundamental values which, in some of us, simply appear like personality differences. For anyone with added disabilities (autistic or not), requires a properly educated individual to care for. It's important you get ahold of the right local authorities to see if you cannot find a carer to pop round and make sure things are how they should be. You could start here https://www.gov.uk/financial-help-disabled

    Not being able to mind self-care, proper nutrition and cleanliness is a severe disability which has grave consequence. Also connect here https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/introduction-to-care-and-support/

    Next contact https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/

    You need to live your life. You need to be able to focus on education and find things which you enjoy. Yes, family is important. But you should be able to do normal things: move into a flat with friends, go to a shop for just yourself, experience time to focus on self-growth and nurturing so you can thrive. Expect a clean bathroom. There may be a time in life where you have become stable and financially grounded enough to buy a house with an extra bathroom and move your brother in on your terms. But first you have to get to that place and you won't be able to help them properly until you've put your life together first. 

    Also, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum.

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