Overwhelmed mum

Google "Pinpoint Cambridgeshire Events" and join the Tii Hub. There you will find a zoom chat group for parents of school age autistic parents ( no professionals) who have been through what you are going through so will really understand and provide real practical help.....even if you are not in Cambridgeshire.

Thank you such a relief to know I'm doing the right thing! Yeh I let her stim she does it at home more then out and about and I wonder if she's already masking 

Definitely smaller groups in a familiar setting, in fairness I prefer that aswell. 

NAS86544 said:

I guess it's noticing the signs and going with the flow if we need to leave or have breaks, from the outside world

That's exactly the thing to do, you can always return to the activity or situation after she re-settles, you are doing the right thing, and with time and controlled exposure and setting a healthy pace with these things some stuff may not always be such a mountain for her as she gets older. Smaller, quieter groups in familiar surroundings is also a nice idea if you want to keep the social life flowing at a more cope-able level for her.

Oh and don't worry about the stims, just let her roll with them as they are a self soothing thing that will help with her emotional regulation.
You're doing okay, keep on taking your cues from her because others don't know what it's like to be her mum 24/7 only you do.

Thank you for your response, that's really helpful to know that when she is starting to have a meltdown and I take her away from the situation to calm down I am doing the right thing. As she so young and she hasn't had a diagnosis and her nursery don't think she needs one it's hard to differentiate between neroutypical testing boundaries and genuine difficulties so that's what I'm getting to grips with at the moment.

I mainly do things orientated around her the thing is meeting family going for trips out I want to include her, balance between attending so she can experience these things (as for the most part and often she does enjoy them) & putting things in place that can prepare her and prevent her from getting overwhelmed. I guess it's noticing the signs and going with the flow if we need to leave or have breaks, from the outside world it just seems like I'm letting her get her own way but I need to get over that.

Thanks also for your point around anxiety and sleep, I hadn't made the link, more I thought maybe she needed more physical activity as she stims by kicking her legs as she's trying to sleep, maybe a combo of the two.

Thanks again 

NAS86544 said:

Essentially sometimes I feel like her behaviours are just down to me giving in, for example she's having melt downs because she thinks that's how she gets what she wants Vs Im giving in because I think she's having a meltdown because she's autistic, for example we were on holiday and there was a dolphin show and it was something the other children we where with and those around us where enjoying but she was screaming the whole time so I took her out, another time we where at a church with music around Christmas and needed to sit still for around an hour and she started saying she wanted to go so I took her out, family on both occasions have had a go at me saying I should of told her to carry on with it ect I just feel like if she's hating something and going to end up screaming I will get embarrassed and flustered and break her trust also so to keep face / for an easy life I remove her from the situation. This makes me feel like she's missing out.

This needs to be seriously addressed because the neurotypical approach to meltdowns actually causes more harm.
Meltdowns are not tantrums, meltdowns are not a manipulative ploy, there will be some behaviours that occur during meltdowns that will be unnaceptable especially if they later take the form of violence, the solution to meltdowns is prevention, intervention, retreat and relief.

Because a meltdown happens when an autistic child (and adult, because it isn't grown out of) is overwhelmed, taking your child out of those situations is the best thing to do, it's not what your child wants, it is what your child needs. For autists peace is on the same requirement level as food and oxygen in order to function.

She is not "missing out" on things that cause her stress.  Some things that you find fun, she will find to be her idea of a living hell.  It will be important to find suitable activities that you can both do and enjoy on your own levels in order to bond and spend time together.

You may find her sleep falls in a better routine once other issues are supported because background anxiety is known to be a contributing factor to poor sleep in autists.

(I am autistic, and remember the trauma of trying to be forced into a neurotypical childhood. Also a meltdown is like a rapid onset panic attack and migraine all rolled into one where it is difficult, sometimes impossible to retain control over your physical reaction, being forced to keep taking on sensory and emotional overload until breaking point just to be seen as "normal" only to snap and have a meltdown in public is very traumatic and can result in children becoming shut-ins and terrified of leaving the house.)

Dear NAS86544,

Thank you for sharing this with our community. While we are waiting for the community to respond, you may like to look at our information about autism spectrum disorders: 

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism 

You may find it useful to have a look at the following link for further information about diagnosis and the benefits of getting a diagnosis for your child: 

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis 

You can also find details of diagnostic services on our Autism Services Directory in the Assessment and diagnosis section: 

https://www.autism.org.uk/directory 

Individuals on the spectrum can often display behaviour that may be challenging. There will generally be a reason for this and it is important to try and understand the trigger for the behaviour when developing strategies. You may like to have a look at the following link for more information on behaviour and strategies: 

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour 

You might also like to take a look at The Challenging Behaviour Foundation website for further information and advice: 

 https://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk.  They also have an information and support service which you can contact by phone or email – details can be found here: https://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/for-family-carers/family-support-service/ 

Thank you. I hope this helps!

Best regards,

Eunice Mod