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Fear of flying

NAS64645

Hi 

my 11 year old son has an extreme fear of flying but we have a wedding to attend abroad. He has travelled by plane when he was younger and had a meltdown before boarding but we managed to calm him to get him in the plane. We didn’t fly for several years hoping his fear would disappear but it hasn’t. Now he’s older I don’t think we would be able to calm and distract him as easily and he sometimes runs away when anxious. Any ideas on how we can get him to see flying in a different way and how do airport staff handle older children having a meltdown would they still let us fly? We couldn’t go without him but don’t want to miss the wedding but he is set against flying

  • Have you asked him what it is about flying which causes his fear? Because the approach would vary a lot depending on the answer. If he is afraid of the plane crashing, then no amount of taking him to visit airports would fix that. He would need to see stats about how unlikely plane crashes are, and maybe find out how planes work, aerodynamics, safety systems and all that. But if his problem is the crowds of people, being stuck in a seat for hours, the sensations of movement, changes in air pressure, turbulence etc then that is a more sensory issue. So your first step should be to have a chat with him and unpick his feelings about each aspect of flying. It might be a difficult conversation which might have to be done in small chunks over a few days if it makes him upset to even think about it, but it is vital to find out the exact nature of the problem so you don't end up wasting time and resources trying to fix the wrong problem while leaving the real problem unsolved.

  • Have a look at the airport you want to fly from, most airports are really clued up on  autism, some offer free access to the private lounge, even if you have to pay, it’s worth it. If your son needs sensory help, I use noise cancelling headphones, I link them to my iPhone and can blockout noises and listen to podcasts or audiobooks. If it’s the fear of flying then as others have said, go to the airport and just show him the layout, I often do the first flight of the day to the destination I’m going to, the airport is quiet and often the flight isn’t fully sold out.

  • Thanks for the replies. I did wonder if there was a calming medication but even if there was that wouldn’t feel right. I am going to try and see if he will agree to visit to the local airport without flying to see if it perks his interest in planes but deep down I think I know it would be to risky to book tickets as I wouldn’t be able to predict his reaction on the actual flight date. 

  • There are some things my son finds difficult. For example he enjoys sport, but last year when he had his first sports day at the town's sports field ( previous ones did not happen due to COVID), when he got there he froze and could not get out of the car so ended up coming home. He won't be going this year, even if he went in with friends as he can't face it.

    With this experience, if we were invited to a wedding and he couldn't face the journey we wouldn't be going. We did go to my father's funeral which involved a long journey by car and staying in a hotel. Unfortunately we couldn't miss this as I am an only child. My advice would be if flying is the only option, to consider how important the wedding is, for example do you want to go or do you need to go?