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Struggling with helping myself and my 26 year old son

nikkij

Hi everyone. My son was diagnosed with Aspergers a couple of years ago. he is very high functioning but cannot make friends and is therefore very lonely and depressed. He is also unemployed as he had a breakdown a couple of years ago after the loss of jobs and family misunderstandings. He still sees his psychiatrist every now and again, she considers his depression fairly minor even though he goes through patches of suicidal talk and severe unhappiness where he just sleeps all the time. I go with him to the doctors as getting him to talk is a bit like pulling teeth.

He presents to the rest of the world as being "fine" and it seems that I am the only person that realises how unhappy he is.

 

I am a worrier and want nothing more than to be able to help my son be happy. I do realise I can't do that but I am always trying to be as supportive as I can.

i think that I need to get some support for me as I am slowly getting more and more depressed myself as I don't see any way out of our situation.

When  my son and I talk we are usually having two different conversations. I do my best to ensure that we understand each other but lots of times that has not happened even though I thought it had. Life is very stressful at the moment I am on the verge of tears constantly.

Has anyone got any advice. I am going to see my GP tomorrow. I have had CBT and do understand the theory of being able to turn things around with positive thinking. That is so much easier to say than do. Antidepressants don't agree with me.

I am feeling pretty awful I just need someone to talk to that understands and can perhaps help me to come up with a way of talking to my son that does not usually end in confusion or an argument.

 

Parents

  • It is quite a while since i have left a comment, my daughter is now 21 and just finished uni. It has been a 2 year emotional roller coaster for me as much as for my daughter. She did not get much support at uni and because she would not go to a counselling session once a month (she finds it hard to sit and talk one to one with someone she doesn't know, this causes her great anxiety) the tutors did not give her much support. I spent alot of time worrying about her, having to go and stay with her because she was so run down with the anxiety and stress.

    Now she has finished uni she is job hunting but I don't hold out much hope for her staying in a job long term, she has had a few part time jobs but has ended up leaving because she misinterprets peoples expressions and emotions. She seems to always think people are looking at her crossly or giving her funny looks. She takes things people say in the wrong context so thinks they are critising her and ends up upset. she also gets bored very quickly with the jobs. She does want to work and is constantly looking for a better job with 'nice' people but I don't know that that perfect job is out there. Nicjd, it is hard when people don't understand what you are going through, my mum seems to think she will grow out of it. As much as we love our children it is exhausting living with them especially when they either won't recognise they have aspergers syndrome or won't get help. My daughter still won't discuss it and doesn't put it down on application forms so she wouldn't get any support at work if she needed it. All I can say is keep trying to understand your son, I now work with people with Aspergers and from what I have learnt they don't get any pleasure from hurting you, they may not appear to be bothered but they are deep down. Good luck

     

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  • It is quite a while since i have left a comment, my daughter is now 21 and just finished uni. It has been a 2 year emotional roller coaster for me as much as for my daughter. She did not get much support at uni and because she would not go to a counselling session once a month (she finds it hard to sit and talk one to one with someone she doesn't know, this causes her great anxiety) the tutors did not give her much support. I spent alot of time worrying about her, having to go and stay with her because she was so run down with the anxiety and stress.

    Now she has finished uni she is job hunting but I don't hold out much hope for her staying in a job long term, she has had a few part time jobs but has ended up leaving because she misinterprets peoples expressions and emotions. She seems to always think people are looking at her crossly or giving her funny looks. She takes things people say in the wrong context so thinks they are critising her and ends up upset. she also gets bored very quickly with the jobs. She does want to work and is constantly looking for a better job with 'nice' people but I don't know that that perfect job is out there. Nicjd, it is hard when people don't understand what you are going through, my mum seems to think she will grow out of it. As much as we love our children it is exhausting living with them especially when they either won't recognise they have aspergers syndrome or won't get help. My daughter still won't discuss it and doesn't put it down on application forms so she wouldn't get any support at work if she needed it. All I can say is keep trying to understand your son, I now work with people with Aspergers and from what I have learnt they don't get any pleasure from hurting you, they may not appear to be bothered but they are deep down. Good luck

     

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