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Struggling with helping myself and my 26 year old son

nikkij

Hi everyone. My son was diagnosed with Aspergers a couple of years ago. he is very high functioning but cannot make friends and is therefore very lonely and depressed. He is also unemployed as he had a breakdown a couple of years ago after the loss of jobs and family misunderstandings. He still sees his psychiatrist every now and again, she considers his depression fairly minor even though he goes through patches of suicidal talk and severe unhappiness where he just sleeps all the time. I go with him to the doctors as getting him to talk is a bit like pulling teeth.

He presents to the rest of the world as being "fine" and it seems that I am the only person that realises how unhappy he is.

 

I am a worrier and want nothing more than to be able to help my son be happy. I do realise I can't do that but I am always trying to be as supportive as I can.

i think that I need to get some support for me as I am slowly getting more and more depressed myself as I don't see any way out of our situation.

When  my son and I talk we are usually having two different conversations. I do my best to ensure that we understand each other but lots of times that has not happened even though I thought it had. Life is very stressful at the moment I am on the verge of tears constantly.

Has anyone got any advice. I am going to see my GP tomorrow. I have had CBT and do understand the theory of being able to turn things around with positive thinking. That is so much easier to say than do. Antidepressants don't agree with me.

I am feeling pretty awful I just need someone to talk to that understands and can perhaps help me to come up with a way of talking to my son that does not usually end in confusion or an argument.

 

Parents

  • Hi nikkij!

    Good luck on your son's university progression! Hopefully he'll be able to find a good niche in life somewhere along the line!

    As far as "mentors" have gone, honestly, it doesn't surprise me that he ended up with someone who knew nothing about the condition. This appears to be commonplace, particularly in educational institutions. Whenever I was "offered" this support, I sort of knew at the time that it was more of a platitude done out of the illusion of appearing "inclusive" as opposed to genuine help. I know a guy a year below me who enrolled at a college with this so-called support, and ended up being kicked off his course because of his depressive spells. Charming, isn't it?

    When I read your original post about your son concealing his unhappiness to the world, believe it or not I think that's an encouraging sign. Not many people with Asperger's are able to conceal their emotion like that with any proficiency, and many people who come out in the open to the world outside about their depression are often making a big mistake; as you can no doubt understand, most of the world are at BEST unsympathetic and at worst, out to take total advantage of people who have the condition. I know it may not be much of a comfort to you to see that he hides his feelings, but believe me, in the wider picture it stands to his favour that he can do that. Personally, I wouldn't encourage him otherwise and disclose his feelings outside the home; just too much of a gamble, with the way people are.

    Well done for resisting the pills, by the way. I wish you both the best of success with life and hopefully it can bring something really enjoyable in the near future! Have a nice weekend!

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  • Hi nikkij!

    Good luck on your son's university progression! Hopefully he'll be able to find a good niche in life somewhere along the line!

    As far as "mentors" have gone, honestly, it doesn't surprise me that he ended up with someone who knew nothing about the condition. This appears to be commonplace, particularly in educational institutions. Whenever I was "offered" this support, I sort of knew at the time that it was more of a platitude done out of the illusion of appearing "inclusive" as opposed to genuine help. I know a guy a year below me who enrolled at a college with this so-called support, and ended up being kicked off his course because of his depressive spells. Charming, isn't it?

    When I read your original post about your son concealing his unhappiness to the world, believe it or not I think that's an encouraging sign. Not many people with Asperger's are able to conceal their emotion like that with any proficiency, and many people who come out in the open to the world outside about their depression are often making a big mistake; as you can no doubt understand, most of the world are at BEST unsympathetic and at worst, out to take total advantage of people who have the condition. I know it may not be much of a comfort to you to see that he hides his feelings, but believe me, in the wider picture it stands to his favour that he can do that. Personally, I wouldn't encourage him otherwise and disclose his feelings outside the home; just too much of a gamble, with the way people are.

    Well done for resisting the pills, by the way. I wish you both the best of success with life and hopefully it can bring something really enjoyable in the near future! Have a nice weekend!

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