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Struggling with helping myself and my 26 year old son

nikkij

Hi everyone. My son was diagnosed with Aspergers a couple of years ago. he is very high functioning but cannot make friends and is therefore very lonely and depressed. He is also unemployed as he had a breakdown a couple of years ago after the loss of jobs and family misunderstandings. He still sees his psychiatrist every now and again, she considers his depression fairly minor even though he goes through patches of suicidal talk and severe unhappiness where he just sleeps all the time. I go with him to the doctors as getting him to talk is a bit like pulling teeth.

He presents to the rest of the world as being "fine" and it seems that I am the only person that realises how unhappy he is.

 

I am a worrier and want nothing more than to be able to help my son be happy. I do realise I can't do that but I am always trying to be as supportive as I can.

i think that I need to get some support for me as I am slowly getting more and more depressed myself as I don't see any way out of our situation.

When  my son and I talk we are usually having two different conversations. I do my best to ensure that we understand each other but lots of times that has not happened even though I thought it had. Life is very stressful at the moment I am on the verge of tears constantly.

Has anyone got any advice. I am going to see my GP tomorrow. I have had CBT and do understand the theory of being able to turn things around with positive thinking. That is so much easier to say than do. Antidepressants don't agree with me.

I am feeling pretty awful I just need someone to talk to that understands and can perhaps help me to come up with a way of talking to my son that does not usually end in confusion or an argument.

 

Parents

  • nikkij said:

    Thank you so much for responding.

    It's my pleasure.

    Being diagnosed so late in life has been both a "shock to the system", but also illuminating for me, providing an "explanation" (in some ways) as to "why I am like I am".

    Although I am relatively articulate and spoke well from a young age, things that my father noticed such as me being "word-blind" (a printers term apparently) turned out to be "dyslexia" (the medical term), and my "contrariwise" nature appears to be "oppositional defiance disorder".

    As your son was diagnosed a couple of years ago, have either of you sought out further information or support? My first "post diagnostic session" was a couple of weeks back, and at that juncture I had been unable to follow the Psychologists advice and join NAS, as on the two occasions when I tried I became totally overwhelmed and my head sort of "shut down". This weekend though I went through the process and feel better for having done so.

    My mother is reading books on the subject, unfortunately that too has created some "conflict" between us. She keeps reading quotes from a book about "lack of empathy" and I feel my "emotional buttons" being pressed because I don't agree with the statements, so I start getting angry. My mother on the other hand seems to think the book is wonderful. Only yesterday though I was introduced to an alternative theory of autism and empathy, the "Intense World Theory" which suggests people like myself are actually MORE "empathic" and become overwhelmed (which in honesty makes soooo much more sense than my lacking empathy).

    I also discovered only a few hours ago that there is actually a Government Act of Legislation, the "Autism Act 2009" which creates certain "duties" local authorities are supposed to comply with. I can't say I understand it all yet, but it appears that both "carer" and "sufferer" have certain "entitlements" now. Perhaps when you visit your GP tomorrow you could ask him "what next?". I am sure this website will be able to explain what "new rights" both you and your son now have, and offer suggestions of what the "social services", "Council" or NHS may now provide.

    Again, I wish you all the best.
    Safe journeys,
    Dream

Reply

  • nikkij said:

    Thank you so much for responding.

    It's my pleasure.

    Being diagnosed so late in life has been both a "shock to the system", but also illuminating for me, providing an "explanation" (in some ways) as to "why I am like I am".

    Although I am relatively articulate and spoke well from a young age, things that my father noticed such as me being "word-blind" (a printers term apparently) turned out to be "dyslexia" (the medical term), and my "contrariwise" nature appears to be "oppositional defiance disorder".

    As your son was diagnosed a couple of years ago, have either of you sought out further information or support? My first "post diagnostic session" was a couple of weeks back, and at that juncture I had been unable to follow the Psychologists advice and join NAS, as on the two occasions when I tried I became totally overwhelmed and my head sort of "shut down". This weekend though I went through the process and feel better for having done so.

    My mother is reading books on the subject, unfortunately that too has created some "conflict" between us. She keeps reading quotes from a book about "lack of empathy" and I feel my "emotional buttons" being pressed because I don't agree with the statements, so I start getting angry. My mother on the other hand seems to think the book is wonderful. Only yesterday though I was introduced to an alternative theory of autism and empathy, the "Intense World Theory" which suggests people like myself are actually MORE "empathic" and become overwhelmed (which in honesty makes soooo much more sense than my lacking empathy).

    I also discovered only a few hours ago that there is actually a Government Act of Legislation, the "Autism Act 2009" which creates certain "duties" local authorities are supposed to comply with. I can't say I understand it all yet, but it appears that both "carer" and "sufferer" have certain "entitlements" now. Perhaps when you visit your GP tomorrow you could ask him "what next?". I am sure this website will be able to explain what "new rights" both you and your son now have, and offer suggestions of what the "social services", "Council" or NHS may now provide.

    Again, I wish you all the best.
    Safe journeys,
    Dream

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