• Replies 16 replies
  • Subscribers 65 subscribers
  • Views 2591 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Struggling with helping myself and my 26 year old son

nikkij

Hi everyone. My son was diagnosed with Aspergers a couple of years ago. he is very high functioning but cannot make friends and is therefore very lonely and depressed. He is also unemployed as he had a breakdown a couple of years ago after the loss of jobs and family misunderstandings. He still sees his psychiatrist every now and again, she considers his depression fairly minor even though he goes through patches of suicidal talk and severe unhappiness where he just sleeps all the time. I go with him to the doctors as getting him to talk is a bit like pulling teeth.

He presents to the rest of the world as being "fine" and it seems that I am the only person that realises how unhappy he is.

 

I am a worrier and want nothing more than to be able to help my son be happy. I do realise I can't do that but I am always trying to be as supportive as I can.

i think that I need to get some support for me as I am slowly getting more and more depressed myself as I don't see any way out of our situation.

When  my son and I talk we are usually having two different conversations. I do my best to ensure that we understand each other but lots of times that has not happened even though I thought it had. Life is very stressful at the moment I am on the verge of tears constantly.

Has anyone got any advice. I am going to see my GP tomorrow. I have had CBT and do understand the theory of being able to turn things around with positive thinking. That is so much easier to say than do. Antidepressants don't agree with me.

I am feeling pretty awful I just need someone to talk to that understands and can perhaps help me to come up with a way of talking to my son that does not usually end in confusion or an argument.

 

Parents

  • Dear Nikkij,

    I am very sorry to read of your circumstances, much of the situation you speak of resonates with the situation between my mother and I.

    I've only recently been diagnosed (this year) with Aspergers Syndrome, whilst last year I was diagnosed with AD(H)D. I'm in my mid 40's, and neither my mother nor I realised when we were talking to each other, we were often having totally different conversations.

    I was also diagnosed with "clinical depression" in my late teens or 20's, and although I knew both my parents "wanted what was best for me", there was nothing they could really say or do which lifted my spirits. My father (who has now sadly passed, and we also suspect now would be classed as having AS) was the worst saying things like "get your hair cut, straighten your mirror, tidy your room, you'll feel better then" (which was crazy from my perspective).

    Antidepressants never suited me, however my mother and sister have noticed and commented on the change in me since starting the AD(H)D medication. We still have fairly frequent misunderstandings, and I don't "feel" anything "noticeable" from the meds (I'm not sure why they're so highly classified and I keep having to sign paperwork everywhere and show ID to locum pharmacists who don't know me), however my sister and I don't seem to fall out like we used to, she said I was "more tolerant".

    I don't know, but perhaps as we on the Autistic Spectrum appear to have "comorbid" conditions, maybe your son might have elements of AD(H)D and would benefit from that ilk of medication?

    I wish I could suggest something which would aid you, but I'm on the "other end of the stick" so to speak, my mother would be better suited to speak, however she refuses to use a computer. Hopefully you will find other people in this community on this forum able to assist and address your issues with practical advice. Perhaps also your son may benefit from joining here? I have only been a member for a couple of days, but can honestly say I have felt welcomed and understood in a way I have not ever before (in my recollection currently at least), and that alone has genuinely been of comfort to me.

    I wish you all the best.

Reply

  • Dear Nikkij,

    I am very sorry to read of your circumstances, much of the situation you speak of resonates with the situation between my mother and I.

    I've only recently been diagnosed (this year) with Aspergers Syndrome, whilst last year I was diagnosed with AD(H)D. I'm in my mid 40's, and neither my mother nor I realised when we were talking to each other, we were often having totally different conversations.

    I was also diagnosed with "clinical depression" in my late teens or 20's, and although I knew both my parents "wanted what was best for me", there was nothing they could really say or do which lifted my spirits. My father (who has now sadly passed, and we also suspect now would be classed as having AS) was the worst saying things like "get your hair cut, straighten your mirror, tidy your room, you'll feel better then" (which was crazy from my perspective).

    Antidepressants never suited me, however my mother and sister have noticed and commented on the change in me since starting the AD(H)D medication. We still have fairly frequent misunderstandings, and I don't "feel" anything "noticeable" from the meds (I'm not sure why they're so highly classified and I keep having to sign paperwork everywhere and show ID to locum pharmacists who don't know me), however my sister and I don't seem to fall out like we used to, she said I was "more tolerant".

    I don't know, but perhaps as we on the Autistic Spectrum appear to have "comorbid" conditions, maybe your son might have elements of AD(H)D and would benefit from that ilk of medication?

    I wish I could suggest something which would aid you, but I'm on the "other end of the stick" so to speak, my mother would be better suited to speak, however she refuses to use a computer. Hopefully you will find other people in this community on this forum able to assist and address your issues with practical advice. Perhaps also your son may benefit from joining here? I have only been a member for a couple of days, but can honestly say I have felt welcomed and understood in a way I have not ever before (in my recollection currently at least), and that alone has genuinely been of comfort to me.

    I wish you all the best.

Children
No Data