Hi
My son is 9 and diagnosed with austim since 4 . The last few weeks he has felt isolated , he has been getting upset you ask why he says I don't know. He cries and says he feels different. We are pretty close we talk daily about how we feel if it's been a good day or not. Just don't know what's up . He said school is fine.
This sounds painfully hard as he is different. It sounds like he's starting to notice the neurological difference in how Autistics perceive, reason and understand the world around and also how we use communication vs his NT peers. This will be something he just has to go through, but with good support, allow him to feel that heartbreaking distance. As it mends, he will be stronger for it.
In reality, psychoanalysis has discovered everyone experiences this distance. The NT brain is simply 'wired' to get a reward signal for performing an action of togetherness, but at the cost of being unique and at the cost of being accepted for their individual self, which they're discouraged from ever being connected to. The Autistic and ADHD will feel too unique and struggle to find ways to 'fit in' and the Autistic will rarely get the 'reward signal' from the brain. It's really difficult without being raised with Middle Class values or a solid foundation of Ethics and wisdom to create a better social fluidity. Autistics will still encounter outward rejection when not catching signals or saying the wrong thing. But might not notice 'secretly coded' rejection.
First I would suggest to find friends who are ADHD, dyslexic and 'on the spectrum' in other ways, or divergent. My ADHD friends can be too much for me at times, but I wholeheartedly appreciate them. These are traits we'll feel a connexion with, give or take other personality differences.
Now - there is a WHOLE upside to this! Once we've embraced the disconnect and found those we do connect with, we might actually find we're better suited to not be stuck in a herd mentality. We may find adverts useless and a relief we're not mesmerised by them. This separation is what can give room for real education, for what appears like a 'fearlessness', but is actually a type of contentedness. We appear not afraid of being externalised, but the reality is, we're not cut out for this sort of murmur with the crowd, it interrupts a stream of consciousness and interrupts a flow of learning, it isn't useful for becoming specialised.
The issue here is Empathy: Relating With and Responding as Expected. Empathy requires a type of Telepathy, an antennae in tune with the other. Now, Sympathy and Compassion are things which drive civil growth.The quicker he understands this the better armed he is when accused of the wrong thing. The Double Empathy problem is what he is experiencing.
Children have all sorts of phantasies to reckon with. My son felt overwhelmed he wasn't on the course to be a lead singer when young. I had to help him try out 'lead singer' job descriptions which are like handling a magic show and wowing an audience. Pull in a group, be the leader, which ultimately he didn't want to do. As he grew, he realised this was a distraction from actually making music, which is what he wanted to do when bored and when creative. Find the thing which your son feels empowered by! And help him recognise what his traits and talents are will ultimately be the path he'll actually want to be on. "This too will pass"
This sounds painfully hard as he is different. It sounds like he's starting to notice the neurological difference in how Autistics perceive, reason and understand the world around and also how we use communication vs his NT peers. This will be something he just has to go through, but with good support, allow him to feel that heartbreaking distance. As it mends, he will be stronger for it.
In reality, psychoanalysis has discovered everyone experiences this distance. The NT brain is simply 'wired' to get a reward signal for performing an action of togetherness, but at the cost of being unique and at the cost of being accepted for their individual self, which they're discouraged from ever being connected to. The Autistic and ADHD will feel too unique and struggle to find ways to 'fit in' and the Autistic will rarely get the 'reward signal' from the brain. It's really difficult without being raised with Middle Class values or a solid foundation of Ethics and wisdom to create a better social fluidity. Autistics will still encounter outward rejection when not catching signals or saying the wrong thing. But might not notice 'secretly coded' rejection.
First I would suggest to find friends who are ADHD, dyslexic and 'on the spectrum' in other ways, or divergent. My ADHD friends can be too much for me at times, but I wholeheartedly appreciate them. These are traits we'll feel a connexion with, give or take other personality differences.
Now - there is a WHOLE upside to this! Once we've embraced the disconnect and found those we do connect with, we might actually find we're better suited to not be stuck in a herd mentality. We may find adverts useless and a relief we're not mesmerised by them. This separation is what can give room for real education, for what appears like a 'fearlessness', but is actually a type of contentedness. We appear not afraid of being externalised, but the reality is, we're not cut out for this sort of murmur with the crowd, it interrupts a stream of consciousness and interrupts a flow of learning, it isn't useful for becoming specialised.
The issue here is Empathy: Relating With and Responding as Expected. Empathy requires a type of Telepathy, an antennae in tune with the other. Now, Sympathy and Compassion are things which drive civil growth.The quicker he understands this the better armed he is when accused of the wrong thing. The Double Empathy problem is what he is experiencing.
Children have all sorts of phantasies to reckon with. My son felt overwhelmed he wasn't on the course to be a lead singer when young. I had to help him try out 'lead singer' job descriptions which are like handling a magic show and wowing an audience. Pull in a group, be the leader, which ultimately he didn't want to do. As he grew, he realised this was a distraction from actually making music, which is what he wanted to do when bored and when creative. Find the thing which your son feels empowered by! And help him recognise what his traits and talents are will ultimately be the path he'll actually want to be on. "This too will pass"
