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What to do?

paulaj

I recently spoke to my 7yo sons new teacher who is the first person besides myself to suspect he may be very slightly autistic (is that the right way to phrase it?).  He always has problems adjusting to new classes and it takes 4-6 weeks for him to settle down and then problems will be ongoing through the year.  If you met him you would not see a problem as it is so subtle but he is not quite the same as his peers.  He is much less mature and socially aware than others, very literal, very impulsive.  At the moment this doesn't cause too much of a problem but I am worried that as he progresses through school it may begin to as teachers struggle to understand his quirks, especially into secondary school.  Up to press they usually end up loving him to bits.  His current teacher thinks it wouldn't be a benefit to ask for a diagnosis but I am wondering if a diagnosis could be a hindrence to him.  Is there a stigma attached to autism in the workplace?  Would it be necessary for him to "declare" his autism as he ages or could he choose to manage it himself as an adult (assuming he does have it)?  Can autism be this subtle or is he just a bit of an oddball, bless him.  Sorry if this all sound a bit picky compared to some of your situations but I have to do my best for him.

  • Thankyou for your candid replies.  I have slowly come to the conclusion that taking this further is the right thing to do.  I was concerned there may be a down side to being diagnosed that I wouldn't see and wanted to get the opinions of people who would know.  Whatever decision I make it's my son who will live with the consequences.

    My main concern for the near future is ensuring people who are new to him understand my son is not being naughty and are not unnecessarily harsh with him.  After reading some of the info online I also realise that I have a lot to learn about my son.

  • You have to consider the implications of not having a diagnosis.

    Just because someone is "managing" doesn't mean they are not disadvantaged or affected long term. Indeed one of the problems of being abler, that is being able to merge into society and not be so noticeable, is that it is inordinately stressful.

    I am fortunate in being pretty able and capable of not being obvious most of the time. So that should lead to the conclusion that I'm making a fuss about nothing getting a diagnosis (though having an understanding of the issues makes a tremendous difference).

    Part of the problem is not that others notice or that they retain the memory of having noticed, but that I notice. I'm very concious of the "gaffs" or ambiguities, of experiencing a social barrier, of getting stressed up (and vocal). You could argue I'm being too self-conscious or neurotic, but whatever way you dismiss it, the fact is it piles up and saps my self confidence and self image. That's a large part of the long term damage.

    There is evidence that abler people on the spectrum are more prone to depression, potential for suicide, alcoholism or drug dependence, simply because they are trying to cope when not up to it, and are very adversely affected.

    So just supposing your son handles it well, it doesn't prevent him getting on academically, just because it looks like he's not being disadvantaged by it doesn't mean he isn't

    He might look fine at 7, but if he doesn't fit in at 17 he'll be made to suffer by his peer group, and by 27 he might have got some qualifications but will find his career blocked by the harsh interpretations of employers and work colleagues. At any point along that journey, if it proves too much for him, he could hit a crisis and not be able to pull back from it without a lot of intervention.

    Yes there is stigma and lack of understanding, and I guess it wont change much by the time he has grown up (notwithstanding the goofiest piece of legislation ever - the Autism Act that makes no odds - and the "Leading rewarding and Fulfilling Lives" myth).

    So better for him if you face up to the issues now and get a diagnosis. 

  • Hi - some parents wonder whether a diagnosis will be a label + don't want their child "labelled".   Sorry, but I'm going to be blunt.  I don't call it a label, I call it a diagnosis.  If he is autistic then as a parent you need to understand about that so you can relate to him + help him.  That's doing your best for him.  Also if he were diagnosed you could apply for a statement of educational needs so he could get support at school. Nothing stands still, we all develop as we get older so the child you have now will change over the yrs, just like any other person.  New/different challenges may arise.  It's strongly recognised that the sooner an autistic person is diagnosed and receives the help the need, the better the outcome.  Secondary school can be particularly challenging for autistic people - have a look at the posts.  A diagnosis will inform you of how autism affects him as a person so you'll have a clearer picture to go on. If he was my child I'd go for it like a shot, even if there was a little bit in me that didn't want to, seriously.

  • A diagnosis will open doors to support for him.  As an adult it would be his choice whether he declared his condition or not in things like job interviews, although he may be obliged to declare it for insurance purposes, I'm not sure.  Having a subtle presentation doesn't mean he isn't hiding real difficulties, some people are more adept at masking but inside they can be going through hell.  I personally disagree with the teacher.