Hi, we are a family of 4 and have recently had assessments & received an ASD & ADHD diagnosis for my husband & ADHD diagnosis for my younger son age 10 & although my older son age 11 wasn't diagnosed, the psychologist could notice some ASD traits that we mentioned we struggle with.
Leading up to the assessments I was quite positive & knew that having this information could be really helpful in gaining a better understanding of our family & getting the support we need. The ADHD diagnosis for my son wasn't a surprise and on the whole he took it really well. When going through the assessments (all private as the school were not on board as no issues were displayed as school) a lot of it resonated with my husband and his own childhood & things he struggled with. I think he wanted to have the assessment so the children felt they had an ally and positive role model who also may be neurodivergent. He was expecting the ADHD diagnosis and had don't a lot of research but was a bit surprised by the ASD diagnosis (more like Aspergers).
He has been getting support from a therapist as have I. We have had to refer my son via the GP to the local Paediatric services to discuss further support & potential medication & I am waiting to hear back from them.
I have been feeling overwhelmed by everything recently and don't feel there is much support for us. Although we have a big family, I don't feel I can really talk to them or that they understand what every day life is like. During the term time, things are more manageable as there is a set routine. In the school holidays we struggle more and everything feels like the fun is taken out of it. I think having a family where 3 out of 4 of us are somewhere on the spectrum is really demanding & I find it exhausting.
There is a lot of information for me to read online & strategies for me to try but sometimes it seems like nothing helps. My younger son with ADHD displays some signs of PDA - I'm not sure if his defiance / avoidance is to do with his ADHD / anxieties. Yesterday he threw things at me and is verbally abusive at least once a day. He does apologise after but it's wearing me down & I just feel like I'm failing.
In addition, I now see how my husbands ASD/ADHD can have a negative impact on the boys. I try to explain this in the best way I can, but he gets defensive and feels like I am judging him as a parent. I don't want to make him feel responsible, but on the other hand he looks to me for lots of the processes/discipline we have to put in place. We have made lots of progress over the last couple of years when there was shouting, slamming doors and tears every day. But I can't help feel sad for the many moments in the day where I have to try and stay calm and patient & bite my tongue often feeling lonely & unloved.
I just wondered if anyone else can relate or share any words of wisdom?
