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My son hates school

NAS85738

Hey everyone, my 12 year old hates school. There’s no particular reason for it, but getting him there on time is a nightmare. He will religiously not get out of bed. If I sit until he gets out of bed once I go he will get back into bed. I have 2 boys both have autism so I can’t dedicate my time just to him to get him up. I feel exasperated because I’ve tried so much.. everything from time flow tick charts to reward charts (in this case if he does do well and gets there on time if I congratulate him it almost reminds him that he feels he should be late and then it’s back to square 1) . I’ve tried doing something he wants to do before going to school. I’ve tried showing him proof of the trouble I could get into but he lacks empathy.I’ve tried getting him up earlier and telling him it’s earlier than it is and nothing has worked. I’m at the point where the answer is probably so simple, but I can’t see it due to frustration. Any tips if someone has dealt with something similar would be appreciated, Thankyou 

  • in reply to Peter

    Thankyou so much, I’ll certainly try it!! I didn’t think of morning tiredness .. myself and my eldest (also autistic) if late can get up and dressed and ready to go in 10 mins. It takes him hours and even if I get him up earlier he still will stay in bed until 10. He’s never been a good sleeper either from being a baby 

  • in reply to Martin

    Once he is actually there I am told that he is fine and gets on really well… it’s just that initial getting him there but Thankyou for your reply, I didn’t consider that the anxiety may start once he woke up to getting him to school and he just sort of calmed down once he got there because he had to 

  • in reply to Ann :)

    Hi Ann Thankyou for your reply, my son has been like this ever since lockdown. During which he got up on time, did all his school work to a fantastic standard and did really well, his issue was when we went back to “normal” he said if he was doing all the work at home why can’t he continue doing this. I have explained, also had family support to explain its not possible, and the SEN at school. He’s a smart cookie really analytical at everything he does and sees and sees the most minute detail in everything. He doesn’t like pe and finds socialising hard but has a small group of friends. I have told him about time keeping and that won’t help him in keeping a job and also told him he will need to train in whatever he decides to do but still no joy 

  • I have never met an autistic person who said that they cordially enjoyed school. I certainly, loathed, feared and hated school. School, from infants to 6th form, was the most autistic hostile place I have ever been. 

  • Hi- you say that ‘there is no reason for him to not want to go to school’ - are you sure? How do you know? School can be a challenging environment, especially when autistic. I’m sure you’ve asked him why he doesn’t want to go. But even so do you think he might not feel able to tell you or he might not be able to pinpoint the issue himself? Has getting him to go to school always been a challenge or did it change recently? I realise this is not much help... but I’m just wondering what the reasons could be for his unwillingness to go. Because maybe then you could better address the issue... 12 might be young for this, but does he have any dream jobs so that you can sell school as something that needs to happen to achieve that? I really hated school despite doing well academically and I just knew I had to get through it so that i could move on and go to university where hopefully things would be better.

  • He’s 12. Teenage hormones have started kicking in. It could just be morning tiredness. Hormonal effects tend to turn teenagers into night owls. If he seems very tired in the mornings I’d just try to streamline the process so he needs to put in as little mental effort as possible.

    get all clothing laid out the night before. Pack all school bags the night before. Put his breakfast in a bag so he can eat it in the car / later at school. Try and make it all he has to do is dress, clean his teeth and get in the car where he can promptly go back to sleep.

    heres my suggestion. Concentrate on getting him into the bathroom in a dressing gown or something before getting dressed. Once he’s moving under his own power for a few minutes  he’s more likely to have to awareness and focus to dress properly.