When to tell?

Hi, I don't have an answer, but I can relate to this- I was only diagnosed recently at age 25 and I really wish I had know sooner (it has been so helpful and has allowed me to be more accepting of myself and to work on strategies to better manage anxiety and energy levels)- like you say as you grow older, the differences become more apparent (I used to say 'I'm an alien'). As I didn't know why I was different, it also led to me sometimes pushing myself too hard to do things/ not understanding why I couldn't seem to do things that others seemed to do so easily and it did result in a lot of self blaming (I felt like maybe 'I wasn't trying hard enough to get friends' etc). I also didn't learn how to manage my energy levels and this has ultimately resulted in a lot of issues down the line with burnout etc. School can take a lot of effort- the masking is in part sub-conscious and I remember that when I came home each day I was just utterly drained from holding it together all day. My instinct is that it could be very helpful for her to know that she is autistic- I personally wish I had known sooner, but it's very hard to predict what the effect of telling her would be. In terms of how to tell her if you do decide to, I have come accross quite a few posts on here addressing this over the past months (including with tips of how to go about it , books, stories and resources that might be helpful)- Hopefully someone will be able to give you some tips or maybe you can find those posts again. If you do decide to tell her. I'm sorry. I really don't know what is best. I can only share my personal experience. 

Hi, I don't have an answer, but I can relate to this- I was only diagnosed recently at age 25 and I really wish I had know sooner (it has been so helpful and has allowed me to be more accepting of myself and to work on strategies to better manage anxiety and energy levels)- like you say as you grow older, the differences become more apparent (I used to say 'I'm an alien'). As I didn't know why I was different, it also led to me sometimes pushing myself too hard to do things/ not understanding why I couldn't seem to do things that others seemed to do so easily and it did result in a lot of self blaming (I felt like maybe 'I wasn't trying hard enough to get friends' etc). I also didn't learn how to manage my energy levels and this has ultimately resulted in a lot of issues down the line with burnout etc. School can take a lot of effort- the masking is in part sub-conscious and I remember that when I came home each day I was just utterly drained from holding it together all day. My instinct is that it could be very helpful for her to know that she is autistic- I personally wish I had known sooner, but it's very hard to predict what the effect of telling her would be. In terms of how to tell her if you do decide to, I have come accross quite a few posts on here addressing this over the past months (including with tips of how to go about it , books, stories and resources that might be helpful)- Hopefully someone will be able to give you some tips or maybe you can find those posts again. If you do decide to tell her. I'm sorry. I really don't know what is best. I can only share my personal experience. 

Thank you so much for your kind reply. I can totally appreciate where you're coming from... since I was made aware that my daughter might be autistic, it's made me reflect on my own childhood and I'm pretty sure that I probably am too. I feel I spent my teenage years (and much of my adult life too) trying to 'mould' myself into different versions of 'me' that suited different people, and surely that's just a description of masking !! I really don't want my daughter to feel she has to anyone other than herself. Think I'll chat with her soon and will look to those resources first, thank you x 

This was one of the posts, there are many more but here it is: Telling my child about their ASD diagnosis - Parents and carers - Home - National Autistic Society - our Community (autism.org.uk)