Good Morning to all you parents with Autistic Children's.
Sorry for the long worded post, but I need to share my experience.
My daughter was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 11/12, She is very intelligent and academically capable. We have managed her ups/downs for years, and fully understand her triggers. As all you parents, we are the experts when it comes to our Children.
We have now hit a new phase which is very difficult to control.
Let me explain.
My daughter has a 14yo boyfriend, who is also autistic. Like us, we all wanted to be with our young loves 24/7 a day. At first it was manageable, as the mother of the young boy and us, are all on the same page. I.e. No Sleep Overs, Curfew's etc.
Now, this is where it gets interesting. The young boy's father and step mother, do NOT understand the traits of the autism and more importantly the vulnerabilities some of our autistic children exhibit. (Including his own son's)
Both my daughter and her boyfriend planned to move into the step fathers house together, with the consent of those two adults. The young boys mother sent him to stay with is father on the 19th of Jan, that same night my daughter walked out of the house. We rang around the people she associates with, including the father of the young boy. 45 minutes after her leaving our house the step dad text my wife to say "she is safe, and she can sleep on the settee tonight".
So we accepted that she could stay just the night, as it was late 23:00. (We tried to compromise) . From that day forward it has been nothing short of a nightmare.
The Father of the young boy and step mother, would not communicate with us what so ever, Police didn't want to know as she is a 16yo, regardless of her Autism and the fact she's emotionally younger than her age.
Because we knew where she was it wasn't classed as a missing person. Social Service were called, and the edge of care. Both of these knew that it wasn't right, and couldn't understand why they wouldn't kick my daughter out of their house. And no one involved understood the full agenda of the Step Mother and father, and was concerning by all parties involved.
At this point I, as a concerning father I went and knocked on they're door. Immediately the lights went out and the adults were running up the stairs with their 3 young children. (The door knock was normal). I immediately rang the Police as I didn't know the welfare of my Child. The Police stated that it is a Social Service issue. (And would NOT help me).
We persisted with Social Services, Edge of Care and Police. The School recognised behavioural changes within my daughter and her young boyfriend. At this point (Alarm Bells Are Screaming At People).
Eventually the School permanently excluded her, as her behaviour was out of control. This is when we managed to get her home, 8 Weeks after she left our house.
Now her behaviour is something we have never seen before. We found out that the night she left our house the father of the young boy picked my daughter up and lied to us constantly from the beginning, (she never walked to his house).
We also know that she had been having sex with the 14yo under the fathers roof. When social Service confronted him on this, he stated "They know where the protection is". We have since found morning after pills. She has started drinking too.
We can't build a positive relationship with our daughter, as those parents are still in communication with her, behind our backs.
They bought her a £600 Phone, and multiple clothes, make up etc. And took her to school, work, Friend. anywhere she wanted.
The law is very vague, as a non autistic child at 16, would understand the vulnerabilities within this situation. But as we all know Autistic Children think in a completely different manner.
We argued, where does our Parental Responsibility Start/End. We were told that we are responsible for her welfare. However Police and Social Service prevented us from being in control of this early on.
We should have better laws to protect our autistic children when they reach 16. If she was 15 I could of gone to the house and get my Child. Or Police could remove her, and caution the parents. But no one took into account her vulnerabilities, even though its stated clearly in her HSP.
We also found out that they were planning on taking my daughter away during Easter to Cornwall. (Which I have stated to Police, I WILL BE GOING TO CORNWALL, IF THAT HAPPENS).
Now let me re-iterate here, These Adults were NOT acting like most parents would, there is clear evidence of Harbouring and grooming. We think the agenda was to make his Autistic Son happy, Hence having his Girlfriend living with them.
She has said some really hurtful things since she has returned, her future is in jeopardy, as she has been excluded (Autistic School) (GCSE Year).
I am posting this to highlight the risks we face with our parental responsibilities of parents with Autistic Children. It took us 8 weeks and a School exclusion to get her removed from that house.
We also know if the gender situation was the other way around then actions would of been taken quicker.
Lots of Love