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I’m completely lost!

NAS77435

Not sure where to start

Now 12yo, has been referred when 3yo and told they have tendencies but not enough to diagnose, fast forward to 12yo and we’re waiting for second assessment. More recently, Routine is set, school is fine, parents evening was 100% positive (not really helping my assessment). At home is a completely different story! Won’t leave the house, when asked to do a task, does the opposite, cannot control emotions/hormones. Won’t open up to me when I try to engage, yet I leave them alone to sob their heart out and then they seek reassurance after I feel completely *** about myself leaving them to cry. Don’t know if I used possible asd to not correct behaviour and now just a typical teen taking advantage of no discipline or what. 
I really haven’t a clue what to do. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual and adding possible disabilities in to it makes it really difficult. 
I’m struggling as a single parent with no support and having another child who not knowing if they also have possible asd or just learned/copying behaviour is hard. 
Both kids are star pupils at school with no worries or concerns and then come home and just release all the stress and anger, it’s hard to get any support as they think I’m making it up as no evidence at school 

Parents

  • The emotions after school situation, can sometimes be referred to as the ‘4 o’clock time-bomb’, because of the stress of masking/ camouflaging/ compensating all-day. It is very common for the behaviours between school and home to be polemic.    

    The best solution sometimes can be the most simple one, to allow them to just vent the day away for a moment in their sanctuary, once they’ve release the pressure it should be better.  
    I would say that what you are seeing is the product of acting-fine at school, your child feels comfortable enough to not act at your home, and that is a good because they has a place to defuse.

    Ways to reduce that burden can be:    
    To give them a safe place to be alone, to distract them with special interest (and not to urge them to revisit the overload), to listen to them when they want to vent (without offering remedy).

Reply

  • The emotions after school situation, can sometimes be referred to as the ‘4 o’clock time-bomb’, because of the stress of masking/ camouflaging/ compensating all-day. It is very common for the behaviours between school and home to be polemic.    

    The best solution sometimes can be the most simple one, to allow them to just vent the day away for a moment in their sanctuary, once they’ve release the pressure it should be better.  
    I would say that what you are seeing is the product of acting-fine at school, your child feels comfortable enough to not act at your home, and that is a good because they has a place to defuse.

    Ways to reduce that burden can be:    
    To give them a safe place to be alone, to distract them with special interest (and not to urge them to revisit the overload), to listen to them when they want to vent (without offering remedy).

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