Temper and hitting out at school - Son 9 years old ASD.

Most likely he's not feeling just 'annoyed', but it's escalating into something different. Autistics don't just feel emotions, but feel them to an extreme intensity. This is due to a different Salience Network receiving incoming sense perception in a 'too real' form whether it's harsh sounds, flickering lights or other envrionmental health hazards that not everyone notices. We have more than 40 senses including the sense of balance and feeling our emotions are part of this same system, felt with intensity. 

But there is another possibility here which he needs to be made aware of: Provocation is illegal. It is a form of coercion, manipulation, control and has caused incredible harm, even caused others to commit suicide. 

I might first try and create room for him to want to open up to you about details. He might not have the language and he might not be able to express what it happening as we can have difficulty with vocabulary until older. The seemingly invisible system between humans is difficult to explain unless you've spent years in philosophy and psychoanalysis. Sometimes it's a clash of personality and other times it's learned generational behaviour kids have learned. Autistics also have a deep sense of Justice and can spot injustice, but children won't always have the wisdom and (PhD) to spell out what's happening. 

The best thing you can teach him is to Leave. But this will mean allowing him to exit when he feels his parents are overwhelming him as well. Allowing him to go somewhere quiet where he feels safe and allow him to process and work through what he is sensing or wind down to a place where he can actually try to talk through what's happening. At least helping him turn this one discipline into a natural response can help him as an adult to not end up - in the worst case with a lawsuit or in jail. 

When I was young I'd just cry. Or lash out. But part of it was how intensely frustrating it was to be compounded by sensing an injustice, not having the words or vocabulary to call it out, not being able to access words and defend myself, it would always feel like I was getting beat up. :( 

Most likely he's not feeling just 'annoyed', but it's escalating into something different. Autistics don't just feel emotions, but feel them to an extreme intensity. This is due to a different Salience Network receiving incoming sense perception in a 'too real' form whether it's harsh sounds, flickering lights or other envrionmental health hazards that not everyone notices. We have more than 40 senses including the sense of balance and feeling our emotions are part of this same system, felt with intensity. 

But there is another possibility here which he needs to be made aware of: Provocation is illegal. It is a form of coercion, manipulation, control and has caused incredible harm, even caused others to commit suicide. 

I might first try and create room for him to want to open up to you about details. He might not have the language and he might not be able to express what it happening as we can have difficulty with vocabulary until older. The seemingly invisible system between humans is difficult to explain unless you've spent years in philosophy and psychoanalysis. Sometimes it's a clash of personality and other times it's learned generational behaviour kids have learned. Autistics also have a deep sense of Justice and can spot injustice, but children won't always have the wisdom and (PhD) to spell out what's happening. 

The best thing you can teach him is to Leave. But this will mean allowing him to exit when he feels his parents are overwhelming him as well. Allowing him to go somewhere quiet where he feels safe and allow him to process and work through what he is sensing or wind down to a place where he can actually try to talk through what's happening. At least helping him turn this one discipline into a natural response can help him as an adult to not end up - in the worst case with a lawsuit or in jail. 

When I was young I'd just cry. Or lash out. But part of it was how intensely frustrating it was to be compounded by sensing an injustice, not having the words or vocabulary to call it out, not being able to access words and defend myself, it would always feel like I was getting beat up. :(