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Telling your child they have autism

NAS85172

My son had his ASD diagnosis last week. After waiting for a while we have decided to pay. His diagnosis has been a huge relief but now we have a diagnosis, I am in a quandary about how to tell him. He is 10 years old and more than certain he wouldn’t understand this. How have others approached this? I want to be led by him and at the right time but can anyone share their owN experiences or thoughts on ways to do this? Thank you Blush 

  • My son is only 3 so doesn't really know what autism is but the fact that me and him are both autistic means we have shared experiences and it helps him process things better.
    For instance, when he has an autistic meltdown he knows afterwards that it was just a meltdown and that its ok to have them cos daddy has them too 

  • I didn't go through this as I was 56 by the time I got mine. 

    I think 10 year olds can handle more than you think though, and the sooner he knows the sooner he'll start to carve a path through.

    I agree with a bee swarm called Sam. All a kid really wants is to know there's nothing wrong with them. And there isn't. Your lad is just different.

    I'd open with just telling him straight and asking if he has any questions. Stick with the basics for now, but I suspect it will be a conversation that will roll out in bits and pieces over the coming months and years.

    It might help his self-esteem to think about the language as you present it, though and how he might process that...'IS autistic (ie different strengths and valuable, even if others don't always understand), rather than 'Has autism', 'cos he's not ill or defective in any way.

  • I was diagnosed at 10 and it felt very behind my back tbh and I resented it so much when I eventually found out what the diagnosis was I was livid nobody had trusted me enough to tell me until I left school.

    I don't think it has to be a very indepth chat, but an upfront "so hey bud guess what you are autistic and we just want you to know there's nothing wrong with that and we still love you " would certainly have gone a long way with me.

    Then just ask if he has questions, and keep the anwsers short and kid legible if he does. It may well even be that his follow up quesion is after hearing he's loved regardless is just "can I have pizza tonight?", because all kids really want to know is that there's nothing "wrong with them and that they are loved.