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High anxiety, A-level, exams

NAS84835

Hi,

My 18yr old asd son is struggling to complete his A-levels. He cannot seem to get into school so misses alot of work. He has a clear barrier to doing school work at home and will become distressed if we try to broach at home. If he does make it into school for exams it only takes a little to push him off track and distressed (for instance getting a spelling wrong).

At the moment he is on the projected route to get U inboth history and geography. He is in his 3rd year of sixth form and managed a D in alevel sociology last year. The school wanted to give him an extra year to try and lesson the work load.

He has great help at school with TAs trying to prepare him for exams etc. 

ATM he is very non verbal. Struggled to engage with us and cannot make it into school at all. He is very aware he is going to fail and this has impacted his ability to try and have a go to change the outcome.

The school are very concerned and have done all they can to help my son.

I keep telling him that there are many routes in life but I'm struggling to see where to turn at this point.

If anyone has gone through this and has any advice it would be much appreciated.

  • in reply to NAS84835

    Thank you for taking my writings as intended - I always speak to help - but unfortunately often find my words and intentions misunderstood or misconstrued.  I wish you well.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thank you for your honest reply. It certainly has given me more pause to what I say to him. When he is feeling up to it I will see what he wants to do. You did remind me of a funny memory of when my son was little and he told me 'you talk to much mummy!' I guess I wasn't really listening either.LaughingSmileSmileGrinning :)

  • Hello.  I'm Number.

    You raise an eternal toughie !  Many A-level kids have these sorts of problems, whether autistic or not - but by the sounds of things, your son has some proper "other stuff" to deal with just to keep reasonably functional.  Being non-verbal is a toughie......it probably makes you speak too much !!  I sincerely do not mean to criticise here, I am merely stating a fact of inevitability.....probably.

    I have no doubt, from what you have written, that you are TRYING to say all the right types of things to your son, encouraging, supportive, loving things + practical and straightforward truths about "other routes in life" etc  Unfortunately, when I am presented with the same sort of platitudinous (but genuinely well-meaning) advice and support - it makes me what to scream and hit myself with my left fist, quite hard, in my left eye socket.  Extreme I know - and being 50+ years of age, I have learnt to control it.

    My point is this, with everyone pandering and flapping around him with (genuinely) well meaning and (excellent) self-evident alternatives........perhaps everyone has forgotten to ask him ?  But at the right time [this is really important] AND in the right way [this can be like trying to ski on treacle.]

    I am immensely stubborn and introverted with my thinking - but think I do !

    Maybe ask him to think of some practical solutions for what HE wants to do?  He is clearly not an idiot if he already has an A-Level.....and perhaps be might want to only focus on one of his other subjects now and drop the third ?  There is sound logic to that approach ie he will have a better chance of doubling his haul of A-levels (potentially) if he decides [for himself] to drop his least nice subject?

    Personally, I react badly to words or phases that remind me of self-evident facts of a situation.  Tell him to relax.  Tell him that HE is in control.  Tell him that no one else REALLY cares what he does so long as he stays safe.  DON'T tell him you only want whats best for him [I absolutely hate that]  DON'T tell him that it doesn't really matter anyway [I absolutely hate that] and please be REALLY REALLY careful about presumptuous thinking like what you have written above, namely "He is very aware he is going to fail"

    If he is like me, he would NOT be thinking that he was about to "fail", he would be desperately thinking "why is this still not working for me" and "what is the best thing to do that I think I can actually achieve, in the time available" and "can someone show me how much time I have left" and can someone show me a list of the things that I should know" etc etc.

    Just to reiterate - I'm no school kid any more, but my brain worked the same then as it does now.....and personally, presumptuous pandering [even when I absolutely know it is meant with the very best of intentions] is the worst feeling I know = mute, mutinous, murderous frustration.

    I do hope you can accept this pleonastic writing in the spirit with which I intend it - ie with absolutely no insult , criticism nor mal-intent aimed at you.  I just wanted to offer you another perspective from another unique little snowflake.

    I wish you all the very best of luck with exam season.

    Kindest regards.

  • Hello ,

    I'm sorry to hear that your son is having a tough time with school. It sounds like he is getting lots of good support at school, but you may still find the following information useful. 

     The following page contains a lot of helpful information about education for a child with an autism: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education 

    This includes information regarding getting extra support for your child in their education setting. 

    You may want to contact our Education Rights Service who provides information, support and advice on educational provision and entitlements. Please see the following link for further information: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/education-advice-line 

     If you need support with an appeal against a decision about a child or young person’s educational needs, you might want to contact our Educational Tribunal Support Helpline: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/tribunal-support-line 

    You may also like to have a look at the mental health section of our website which has useful links to information and advice about a range of mental health issues: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health  

     The information on this page may be of particular interest:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/anxiety  

    I hope this helps,

    ChloeMod