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How to stop the hitting?

Elle1994

Hi everyone, I'm really feeling low at the moment and at a loss on what to do. I have a just turned 4 year old who is autistic. We haven't been told 'whereabouts' on the spectrum just yet as he is still young and hasn't started school yet.

I love my little boy and his quirkiness and always support him the best I can. I have fought for his diagnosis and have been in numerous meetings and assessments to make sure his needs can be met. There is one thing I'm really struggling with and that is his hitting.

He slaps me, punches, pulls hair, jabs at me. He also does this to his 2 year old brother. He never used to do it to other children but he has now started to hit them also. So much so he is no longer in nursery.

He was just playing with his little brother when his brother took a toy monkey down from his leaf tent. My 4 year old got immediately upset and began to cry, I told him it didn't matter and his brother can play with the monkey and tried to distract him with a different toy. My 2 year old ran off with the monkey and was chased and my 4 year old put both hands on my 2 year olds hair and pulled him down to the ground, picked the monkey up and went back. My 2 year old was in tears. I soothed my toddler and when he was calm I went back and told my 4 year old again that he cannot pull hair as this hurts and makes the other person sad. I got no response from him.

The other day when I went for a walk with my 4 year old he got upset because we wasn't going to nanny and grandads house. I got down to his level to talk to him and he full on slapped me round the face. I was shocked and my eyes immediately watered. This wasn't a tap it was a full on slap and when we got home I had an imprint on my cheek.

I am really struggling with this. I have said no to hitting time and time again, I always try my hardest to be as calm and patient with him though there has been a couple of occassions I have shouted because I must say this to him all day everyday.

It's getting so bad that I don't want to leave the house with him, we used to attend a group on Fridays until he started to jab other children and other mum's would come up to me to criticize. I know he has additional needs but this shouldn't mean he cannot learn right from wrong.

Please tell me this will pass. I hate that other parents just think he's horrible because he truly isn't. He starts school in September and I don't want him to be lonely, but I know if he carries on hitting he wouldn't be invited to birthday parties and children won't want to play with him etc.

Parents

  • Hi

    It looks to me he struggles with autistic intertia, which is changing plans, activities, anything without enough time or/and info to process it.

    ''It's OK, your brother can play with your toy'' to him might mean you approve those interruptions.

    Slapping might be letting you know it's happening, since he doesn't speak yet, or does he?

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Thank you for replying!! My 4 year old was lining up his cars when his brother took the monkey so his attention was only on the monkey when his brother started to play with it, its a hard line because his little brother is curious and wants to play and i don't think its right that i take toys off my toddler because he didn't do anything wrong. That's why I tell him that it is OK for his brother to play with the toys, I do try the distraction technique but it rarely is successful.

    We went to a group the other week and my 4 year old was fascinated with a toy microwave. He wouldn't let anyone get a look in, he was playing with it for an hour (open door, close door, let it spin for 3 seconds, open door, close door, repeat etc) again I told him that other children can play and maybe we can go to the ball pit instead, he then jabbed a little girl in her forehead because she put a toy in the microwave. The mum ended up coming up to me and saying my child was a bully etc.

    He does speak, his speech is good, he speaks in third person and has an insane memory! Hes very clever and is like a sponge haha. But he does struggle with basic communication, he couldn't tell you how old he is but could recite a whole episode hes watched (or something i told him a year ago!) 

  • in reply to Elle1994
    Elle1994 said:
    because he didn't do anything wrong. That's why I tell him that it is OK for his brother to play with the toys,

    that's right. But neither understands it. They're too young yet. Try setting a time limit. E.g. ask older ''Would it be OK if your younger could get that toy to play with in 10min?''

    I prefered to play solo as well, until I was over 5y.o. It's difficult to communicate with others, about common endeavour. Then I started with my younger sisters, we managed to build some kind of understanding, so we could discuss doing things together.

    Elle1994 said:
    He does speak,

    about anything he can loook at objectively, I mean without being part of it, 

    When he is asked about situation he was in, he will be confused to describe it, emotions gets in a way.

Reply
  • in reply to Elle1994
    Elle1994 said:
    because he didn't do anything wrong. That's why I tell him that it is OK for his brother to play with the toys,

    that's right. But neither understands it. They're too young yet. Try setting a time limit. E.g. ask older ''Would it be OK if your younger could get that toy to play with in 10min?''

    I prefered to play solo as well, until I was over 5y.o. It's difficult to communicate with others, about common endeavour. Then I started with my younger sisters, we managed to build some kind of understanding, so we could discuss doing things together.

    Elle1994 said:
    He does speak,

    about anything he can loook at objectively, I mean without being part of it, 

    When he is asked about situation he was in, he will be confused to describe it, emotions gets in a way.

Children
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