My son hates school and it’s affecting his mental health

There is a good article here on an autistic education. 

https://theautisticadvocate.com/2018/01/an-autistic-education/ 

It can be summarised as:

"School taught me three things:

How to be more anxious than I already was.

How to be overwhelmed in an instant.

And that to survive it, I had to hide who I was. I had to wear my Mask."

i agree with your child. school is a aweful place and it does alot of damage and will put him off life and set him back. it wont help... i strongly advise home schooling if you have the ability to do so as public schools are not a nice place to be and your kid will end up isolating himself for years to get over the school experience like alot of us likely did and youd find it hard for him to get on in life or move out or do anything due to school experience.

My pleasure. This has been one of the most difficult issues to deal with for me. Stressful on so many levels !!!

• I’ve just read group T’&C’s (I’m new) and can see that we are definitely allowed to provide info, so here is the link..

sunshine-support.org/.../

My son is the same age and suffering with the same thing. I have done some digging and there is something called School Refusal - it doesn’t mean that they are unwilling to go to school, but unable to actually cope with it and experience sensory overload whilst they are there.

I hope this doesn’t go against any rules, but I have found some really useful webinars through Sunshine Support (I am not affiliated with them in any way, just have attended a few and found them to be really helpful). They have a webinar on School Refusal next Thursday evening - 23.02.23 8-10pm. I will be attending as my son is missing so much at the moment and I want to be able to speak to his school as informed as I can possibly be.. 

Hello, 

If his anxiety is due to the overwhelming sensory environment of school then it is likely to get worse the longer he is forced to attend. Sensory anxiety is not something he can push through or get used to, as some people seem to believe.

The first step is to see what reasonable adjustments the school can make to make school more tolerable for him. Maybe staggering start times to avoid the noise, crowds and crushing in the corridors. A quiet room he can escape to when needed. Understanding and acceptance from teachers is vital. 

Personally I found my school years to be traumatic and damaging. I started as a happy and enthusiastic child, very keen and willing to learn. I soon found the environment completely overwhelming and when I had meltdowns I was punished for my 'behaviour'. By the time I got halfway through secondary school I had become extremely anxious, selectively mute and school phobic.

I strongly believe that I would have achieved more educationally and suffered far less damage if I had been home schooled.

If your son has a diagnosis of autism, the school are obliged to make accommodations so that his autism does not handicap him relative to his non-autistic peers. You could consider a specialist school as an alternative.

Both myself and my daughter were diagnosed after finishing school (me, many decades later), and while we both hated school we both feel that it toughened us up to face later challenges, I started school being selectively mute, but finished education with a PhD.

In my opinion he'll be better at home learning. Mainstream school is a busy and noisy environment, not fit for someone with autism who will struggle with sensory overload and anxiety. He will get none of that learning at home.

The education system needs looking at and adjusting to better suit people with autism, say like having schools for autistic people only. My sister also has autism and neither of us enjoyed school, we found it tough and anxiety inducing from start to finish.

Hating school, no easy solution to that one. Sorry.

Staying at home will lower his anxiety (not increase), because the triggers are at school.

He will always be anxious when leaving house because he knows already what awaits him there.

Autistic are capable and actively pursuing own improvement/education after reaching certain age, unless in poor mental health, and without safe place to recharge. Most of what I know I learnt myself, not in schools. Downside is no official qualifications. 

Coping is bad for us, if there is another way it should be avoided, because eventuallly it leads to burnout sooner or later, be that he'll be 30 or 40 y.o.

You see it as two choices:

1. Keep pushing him to go to school so he gets educated to certain level, but at the same time his mental health will be in tatters (unless sources of anxiety are identified and removed), making him unable to have a life as an adult, like finding job, being self-sufficient, starting friendships and family we can do that only when in good mental state.

2. Let  him stay at home, and risk him reaching adulthood undereducated. It's more likely he will pursue his own targets out of boredom, if he has means to do it, I mean access to internet.