• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 71 subscribers
  • Views 2474 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

12 Year Old Been Caught Stealing In Supermarket

NAS84564

My son has been caught stealing from our local supermarket.  I was not with him, he was approached by a staff member who took his bag of shopping from him (which he said he paid for) and said "I'll have my stuff back.  We have been watching you and you have been stealing from this store.  You are banned from coming in here again and if you do come back, we will phone the police".  He is 12 years old.  He has just been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism after a 10 year battle.  He has admitted that he had taken 2 things on 2 different days but swears he hasn't taken anything else - and hadn't taken anything the day he got approached and had his shopping taken off him.  The trouble is, I don't believe him.  I feel awful saying that but he is very, very good at lying and I am struggling to separate truth from lies with him.  He has absolutely no need to steal.  He has money every time he goes into the shop.  I asked if he did it for the thrill of doing something "naughty" and he said no.  He didn't really think about it, he just did it.  I am at a loss as to what to do.  I haven't been to the supermarket as they do not know who he is and my worry is that if I go there and confront them for approaching a minor and taking his things from him when he had paid for them (he selected "no receipt" but the tills have recordings so they could check) then they will press charges for the things he has stolen - and if my gut instinct is correct, I feel he may have been doing this for a while.  I feel like a terrible mother for trusting him with his pocket money and allowing him the freedom to go to the shop on his own but I had no idea stealing would even cross his mind.

My worry is that this will not stop him and he will continue doing things like this and end up in the courts.  I have confiscated his phone (except at night when he needs it as part of his sleep routine), his games console and grounded him (he has no friends and doesn't really go out anyway, other than to the shop) and has been banned from going into any shop unless an adult or his older sister is with him.  He doesn't seem upset by the situation at the slightest, but I am living on my nerves.  I am still coming to terms with the diagnosis and trying to get things put in place for him at school as he is not settling into secondary at all at the moment and this seems like a huge step backwards.  I asked if he will ever steal again and he said he didn't know.  I really do not know what else to do with/for him.

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Parents

  • I would arrange to make myself available to the shop manager and pay for whatever they can prove is missing. He's still young and if you've only just had him assessed, then this would be something to bring up. 

    I'm going to echo that lying isn't typical for autistics unless when used as a survival mechanism. There are 2 key biological factors which are the same with Au and ADHD: Hyper-Sensory or different sense-perception (not able to dull the senses the same) and less GABA inhibitors which can contribute to hyper-focus, gut-health issues and biologically induced anxiety. These can contribute to a different rate of maturing. From what I've seen in research, we're only now finding fundamental understanding of what is constituting these differences. I'm assuming there may have been a good deal of misdiagnosed individuals over the last so many years. 

    Kids who are ADHD, without added language difficulty and highly intelligent can catch on to extraordinary measures of unfairness in society. Social manipulations and subliminal intentions. They simply won't have the wisdom to know how to respond. Wisdom which is earned from 40+ years of being in society, soul and ethics searching for how to integrate without resentment. He might not be lying about doing something naughty if he feels justified in his actions. 

    It could be good to just find a therapist for him and you! Learning how to encourage his ability to confide in you so you know what you're working with would be a good first step. Then perhaps finding ways of influencing his choices so that he can respect your influence would be my next step. I've noticed with my son every time I learn a new way of being or have a new breakthrough in becoming more true to myself, he benefits by just being exposed. 

Reply

  • I would arrange to make myself available to the shop manager and pay for whatever they can prove is missing. He's still young and if you've only just had him assessed, then this would be something to bring up. 

    I'm going to echo that lying isn't typical for autistics unless when used as a survival mechanism. There are 2 key biological factors which are the same with Au and ADHD: Hyper-Sensory or different sense-perception (not able to dull the senses the same) and less GABA inhibitors which can contribute to hyper-focus, gut-health issues and biologically induced anxiety. These can contribute to a different rate of maturing. From what I've seen in research, we're only now finding fundamental understanding of what is constituting these differences. I'm assuming there may have been a good deal of misdiagnosed individuals over the last so many years. 

    Kids who are ADHD, without added language difficulty and highly intelligent can catch on to extraordinary measures of unfairness in society. Social manipulations and subliminal intentions. They simply won't have the wisdom to know how to respond. Wisdom which is earned from 40+ years of being in society, soul and ethics searching for how to integrate without resentment. He might not be lying about doing something naughty if he feels justified in his actions. 

    It could be good to just find a therapist for him and you! Learning how to encourage his ability to confide in you so you know what you're working with would be a good first step. Then perhaps finding ways of influencing his choices so that he can respect your influence would be my next step. I've noticed with my son every time I learn a new way of being or have a new breakthrough in becoming more true to myself, he benefits by just being exposed. 

Children
No Data