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12 Year Old Been Caught Stealing In Supermarket

NAS84564

My son has been caught stealing from our local supermarket.  I was not with him, he was approached by a staff member who took his bag of shopping from him (which he said he paid for) and said "I'll have my stuff back.  We have been watching you and you have been stealing from this store.  You are banned from coming in here again and if you do come back, we will phone the police".  He is 12 years old.  He has just been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism after a 10 year battle.  He has admitted that he had taken 2 things on 2 different days but swears he hasn't taken anything else - and hadn't taken anything the day he got approached and had his shopping taken off him.  The trouble is, I don't believe him.  I feel awful saying that but he is very, very good at lying and I am struggling to separate truth from lies with him.  He has absolutely no need to steal.  He has money every time he goes into the shop.  I asked if he did it for the thrill of doing something "naughty" and he said no.  He didn't really think about it, he just did it.  I am at a loss as to what to do.  I haven't been to the supermarket as they do not know who he is and my worry is that if I go there and confront them for approaching a minor and taking his things from him when he had paid for them (he selected "no receipt" but the tills have recordings so they could check) then they will press charges for the things he has stolen - and if my gut instinct is correct, I feel he may have been doing this for a while.  I feel like a terrible mother for trusting him with his pocket money and allowing him the freedom to go to the shop on his own but I had no idea stealing would even cross his mind.

My worry is that this will not stop him and he will continue doing things like this and end up in the courts.  I have confiscated his phone (except at night when he needs it as part of his sleep routine), his games console and grounded him (he has no friends and doesn't really go out anyway, other than to the shop) and has been banned from going into any shop unless an adult or his older sister is with him.  He doesn't seem upset by the situation at the slightest, but I am living on my nerves.  I am still coming to terms with the diagnosis and trying to get things put in place for him at school as he is not settling into secondary at all at the moment and this seems like a huge step backwards.  I asked if he will ever steal again and he said he didn't know.  I really do not know what else to do with/for him.

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Parents

  • This appears to have been triggered by the transition to secondary school and the fact that he is not settling there. Perhaps that's where the focus needs to be, to ensure he has all the support he needs at school.

    Lying is not an autistic trait. Everyone is different but autistic people tend to be honest and direct. It is of course possible for an autistic child to learn to lie, likely as a means to avoid punishment. 

    When I was at secondary school I used to truant a lot, since the school environment was so overwhelming and a complete sensory overload. If I hung around near the local shops some of the other kids would try to pressure me into going in and stealing something for them. I refused and stopped hanging around there. Your son might not find it so easy to escape such pressures.

    You are not a terrible mother for trusting him and eventually you will need to trust him again. I wonder if he can sense that you don't believe him? Assuming he told you himself about the incident in the supermarket that demonstrates that there is some trust there to build on. 

    Explain to him that in future he needs to always request a receipt at the till, so that there can be no doubts if he were to face a similar situation again.

Reply

  • This appears to have been triggered by the transition to secondary school and the fact that he is not settling there. Perhaps that's where the focus needs to be, to ensure he has all the support he needs at school.

    Lying is not an autistic trait. Everyone is different but autistic people tend to be honest and direct. It is of course possible for an autistic child to learn to lie, likely as a means to avoid punishment. 

    When I was at secondary school I used to truant a lot, since the school environment was so overwhelming and a complete sensory overload. If I hung around near the local shops some of the other kids would try to pressure me into going in and stealing something for them. I refused and stopped hanging around there. Your son might not find it so easy to escape such pressures.

    You are not a terrible mother for trusting him and eventually you will need to trust him again. I wonder if he can sense that you don't believe him? Assuming he told you himself about the incident in the supermarket that demonstrates that there is some trust there to build on. 

    Explain to him that in future he needs to always request a receipt at the till, so that there can be no doubts if he were to face a similar situation again.

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