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12 Year Old Been Caught Stealing In Supermarket

NAS84564

My son has been caught stealing from our local supermarket.  I was not with him, he was approached by a staff member who took his bag of shopping from him (which he said he paid for) and said "I'll have my stuff back.  We have been watching you and you have been stealing from this store.  You are banned from coming in here again and if you do come back, we will phone the police".  He is 12 years old.  He has just been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism after a 10 year battle.  He has admitted that he had taken 2 things on 2 different days but swears he hasn't taken anything else - and hadn't taken anything the day he got approached and had his shopping taken off him.  The trouble is, I don't believe him.  I feel awful saying that but he is very, very good at lying and I am struggling to separate truth from lies with him.  He has absolutely no need to steal.  He has money every time he goes into the shop.  I asked if he did it for the thrill of doing something "naughty" and he said no.  He didn't really think about it, he just did it.  I am at a loss as to what to do.  I haven't been to the supermarket as they do not know who he is and my worry is that if I go there and confront them for approaching a minor and taking his things from him when he had paid for them (he selected "no receipt" but the tills have recordings so they could check) then they will press charges for the things he has stolen - and if my gut instinct is correct, I feel he may have been doing this for a while.  I feel like a terrible mother for trusting him with his pocket money and allowing him the freedom to go to the shop on his own but I had no idea stealing would even cross his mind.

My worry is that this will not stop him and he will continue doing things like this and end up in the courts.  I have confiscated his phone (except at night when he needs it as part of his sleep routine), his games console and grounded him (he has no friends and doesn't really go out anyway, other than to the shop) and has been banned from going into any shop unless an adult or his older sister is with him.  He doesn't seem upset by the situation at the slightest, but I am living on my nerves.  I am still coming to terms with the diagnosis and trying to get things put in place for him at school as he is not settling into secondary at all at the moment and this seems like a huge step backwards.  I asked if he will ever steal again and he said he didn't know.  I really do not know what else to do with/for him.

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Parents

  • When I was 10-11 and started a new school, I was trying to make friends at first, I saw it as opportunity, If I make a friend before other in my class find out I'm not like them, and turn me into their mocking target. 

    I think in retrospection, they already knew, so when I was attempting to hang around with them, they were challenging me to steal from small shops, to prove myself worthy. I did steal some sweats on few occasions, until my conscience got better of me, and I gave up on an idea of making friends, until I meet new people. It was looking like a pattern, every new school, new class, new group of boys, sooner or later I was becoming target for them. Until I went to college, I was 15, and my new school had a prevalence of students that focused on learning instead of being naughty boys. It's where I finally found a group of boys that accepted me, we were playing RPGs together.

    Your son might find it difficult in a new school, because of other boys, and to appease them he might be stealing for them. 

    An activity with other boys, that isn't just hanging around together, would benefit your son probably, especially if it's something like a hobby.

Reply

  • When I was 10-11 and started a new school, I was trying to make friends at first, I saw it as opportunity, If I make a friend before other in my class find out I'm not like them, and turn me into their mocking target. 

    I think in retrospection, they already knew, so when I was attempting to hang around with them, they were challenging me to steal from small shops, to prove myself worthy. I did steal some sweats on few occasions, until my conscience got better of me, and I gave up on an idea of making friends, until I meet new people. It was looking like a pattern, every new school, new class, new group of boys, sooner or later I was becoming target for them. Until I went to college, I was 15, and my new school had a prevalence of students that focused on learning instead of being naughty boys. It's where I finally found a group of boys that accepted me, we were playing RPGs together.

    Your son might find it difficult in a new school, because of other boys, and to appease them he might be stealing for them. 

    An activity with other boys, that isn't just hanging around together, would benefit your son probably, especially if it's something like a hobby.

Children
  • in reply to Mariusz

    Btw. Staff in that supermarket shouldn't have stopped your son, it's illegal. I work in a supermarket now, and if there are kids stealing we just let them go without stopping them. The only deterrent is to follow them around in store, hoping that it'll discourage them, if we notice they're regulars.