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Good manners?

Pink68

My daughter (9, likely AS) can sometimes be, what would be considered as, very rude. For instance, my mum kindly took her out for a trip with some other family members on a boat ride up the river.  On returning I asked my daughter if she had a good day, she said 'No, it was boring' which is bad enough in front of my mum.  I asked her to say thank you to Nanny for taking her out but she refused.  I felt terrible, so embarrassed. On hindsight I think her Aspergers mind worked it out as 'Why should I say thank you? I didn't enjoy it'. Fair enough, but she has to learn that it is only right to say thank you when you're given anything, even if it's not really what you want, if you get what I mean?

Should I push it?  I don't want her to be seen as an ungrateful brat (perhaps she is?) I also don't want to use AS as an excuse for rudeness.  I know if I push the issue at the time it's likely to cause a major strop from her and probably in me losing my temper.  Trying to broach the subject after is tricky when it's 'out of context', she ends up having a strop, then I can't talk to her at all.

Aww, I feel such a bad parent, I try to be understanding and tolerant but my NT mind just doesn't 'get it' sometimes!

Parents

  • To drag this, kicking and screaming, back on topic...

    @Pink68: I did not mean chastisement by my comments. I apologise if it, as I guess it apparently did, came across that way.

    Also, I did not mean to imply that the subject of why she gets upset should not be addressed ever, as Longman appears to have thought I meant.

    Rather that, as I understand it, for NTs, and particularly female NTs, it is natural for one to talk about what is bothering one - a problem shared, and all that.

    However, it is often the case that we, on the spectrum, are unable to do this. We tend to process emotion differently, internalising, instead of externalising, it.

    Simply provide her with a supportive, loving, environment, and don't pressure her into conforming to the NT way of doing things, and you will most likely find she will either find her own answers to whatever troubles her, or she will, in time, find the words she needs to discuss it with you.

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  • To drag this, kicking and screaming, back on topic...

    @Pink68: I did not mean chastisement by my comments. I apologise if it, as I guess it apparently did, came across that way.

    Also, I did not mean to imply that the subject of why she gets upset should not be addressed ever, as Longman appears to have thought I meant.

    Rather that, as I understand it, for NTs, and particularly female NTs, it is natural for one to talk about what is bothering one - a problem shared, and all that.

    However, it is often the case that we, on the spectrum, are unable to do this. We tend to process emotion differently, internalising, instead of externalising, it.

    Simply provide her with a supportive, loving, environment, and don't pressure her into conforming to the NT way of doing things, and you will most likely find she will either find her own answers to whatever troubles her, or she will, in time, find the words she needs to discuss it with you.

Children
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